Even Queen Elizabeth didn’t ever pick her favorite child amongst the lot, although Prince Philip (according to ‘The Crown’) told her that everybody in the family knew about her ‘favoritism’!
Do you expect an ordinary parent would reveal their favorite kid, to whom they give one extra piece of the chocolate bar or the chunkier burger?!
But no matter how much parents try to hide their ‘extra’ fondness for their favorite kid, a new study has found a way to answer that ever-avoided question!
The revelation:
A new study found that younger siblings generally receive more favorable treatment from parents. Meanwhile, older siblings are often granted more autonomy, and parents are less controlling towards them as they grow up. According to a study published recently by the American Psychological Association, birth order, temperament, and gender may all affect the way you parent your child as well as if you favor one over the other.
While siblings share a unique bond built from shared memories, family rituals, and the occasional argument, several of them grow up nurturing rivalry between them. And while the reason behind those differences might stem from several deep-rooted issues, parents playing favoritism is undeniably a contributing factor in most cases.
The study, conducted by Brigham Young University School of Family Life professor Alex Jensen, found that younger siblings generally receive more favorable treatment from parents. Meanwhile, older siblings are often granted more autonomy, and parents are less controlling towards them as they grow up.
The study was a meta-analysis in which researchers analyzed data from 30 studies and 14 databases with information on more than 19,000 people. Besides taking note of age, personality traits, and gender, researchers also looked at how parents reported their overall treatment, control, resource allocation, and positive and negative interactions with each child.
The study discovered parents tend to favor daughters slightly more than sons, although only parents tend to recognize the bias -- children did not.
Lead study author Dr. Alexander Jensen, an associate professor at BYU in Provo, Utah, said in a news release, "It is helpful to take the findings from this study and be aware of the patterns that could be happening in your family. When parents are aware, they can make small adjustments that benefit everyone."
Personality also plays a big role. Children who are agreeable and responsible, regardless of birth order or gender, generally receive more favorable treatment as well.
As per Jensen, "Most parents probably connect more easily with one child over another, whether that be due to personality, birth order, gender or other things like shared interests. Watch for those patterns within yourself. Pay attention to how your children react to things that could be perceived as favoritism."
Jensen noted that it's important to understand that these dynamics aren't only about sibling rivalry -- they're about well-being.
The impact of favoritism amongst children:
Whatever the reason, all favoritism is destructive to the psychological development of a child. What many fail to realize is that the favored child is also harmed. They often have trouble in future relationships by creating dependency and an inordinate desire to be liked or accepted.
Effects on well-being:Disfavored children: May have lower well-being
Favored children: May have higher well-being, but may also be more likely to have access to their parents' resources
Adult children: May have lower psychological well-being
Effects on sibling relationships:Sibling tension: May increase tension between siblings, regardless of which child is favored
Less warmth: Siblings may feel and express less warmth toward each other
More hostility: Siblings may feel and express more hostility toward each other
Lower quality relationships: Siblings may have lower quality relationships with each other
Jensen’s other research showed that children who feel less favored by their parents are more likely to experience poor mental health and engage in problematic behavior at home or school.
As he stated, "Keep an eye out for things that seem unfair. Your children will let you know if they think something is unfair. Pay attention to them when they make that known. Either they are missing perspective and understanding, or you need to make some changes in your parenting. Make sure you are open to the latter."
He also added, "Sometimes parents get so concerned about treating their kids the same that they may overlook individual needs. We're not suggesting parents feel guilty; instead, parents can look at this research and use it as an encouragement to look at places where they can improve, without going to extremes."
The remedy:
Favoritism, whether intentional or unintentional, can shape sibling relationships and individual well-being. Jensen is hopeful that the study helps shed light on family dynamics that are often felt but rarely discussed. By recognizing these patterns, parents can foster stronger family bonds in meaningful ways.
As per him, "The simple answers are perhaps the best. Be patient with yourself and with your children. Spend time together. Do things together that you like to do. Do things together that your children like to do. Work together, serve others together, worship together. Relationships take time and time together doing a variety of things will have many positive benefits."
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