The ‘Cat vs. Dog’ parenting approach can help parents let go, without pulling away

In a time when advice on how to best parent a child can both outnumber and overwhelm, a surprisingly simple concept is gaining popularity for its relative lack of complexity. According to a developmental psychologist Dr. Aliza Pressman, there has even been a lot of talk generated around her “Cat vs Dog” concept of parenting, which seems to assert a parent does not have to have a specific style of parenting forever, but must, in fact, change in accordance with a particular phase of a child’s life, former enthusiasm and closeness giving way to distance and independence in a teen or adult child.

A parenting theory rooted in everyday life

This concept of parenting was introduced by Dr. Aliza Pressman, whose popular podcast is called "Raising Good Humans," where she appeared as a guest in a podcast episode in 2024. She encouraged listeners to derive inspiration from common traits found within the animal kingdom. Rather than resorting to names or labels, this theory comprises two common instincts that all people are familiar with. This concept won many people's hearts because it changes the paradigm from prescriptive parents to responsive parents.

Why young children need ‘Dog energy’

During the initial stages, Dr. Aliza Pressman recommends that the parent adopt a “dog-like” approach in which they display affection. It is also evident that, according to the recommendations of various experts, children in the early stages of development require one to be attentive to their needs and emotions since they depend on the parent to feel secure and loved. During these periods, the parent’s presence and display of enthusiasm can help the child feel secure and be confident about the parent’s ability to fulfill their needs and emotions.

Making the shift as kids grow older

As children transition to adolescence, the same closeness can become overwhelming. This is where the 'cat' method comes in. The parent is encouraged to be near, but not too near, or hovering. There is an emphasis on the child initiating the conversation or asking for help on their own. When the child does decide to talk, the parent needs to be placatory, so that talking does not equal being judged.

How this fits into known parenting styles

Though the cat-versus-dog model is not directly equivalent to the more traditional concepts of parenting styles, parenting authorities indicate that the former is closest to the authoritative parenting style. Mental health professionals clarify that the dog phase is reminiscent of a highly involved parenting style, with the cat phase facilitating independent behavior. In a similar vein, parenting coach Devon Kuntzman argues that the cat and dog analogy makes parenting concepts more tangible as they can be directly related to other susceptible situations.

Why experts say it can work

All child development experts agree that children’s emotional needs change materially over time. Younger children need constant reassurance, while teenagers need trust and space to find themselves. Indeed, a gradual shift towards a more dog-like demeanor, as children get older, into a more cat-like approach, it could be argued, addresses this very issue, as experts indicate that it can help prevent power struggles with teenagers, without compromising their emotional security.

Where parents need to be careful

Nevertheless, experts warn against misinterpreting ‘cat parenting’ as parents becoming emotionally withdrawn. When dealing with bullying cases, anxiety, or mental issues in children, parents must be more proactive. Giving space to your children should never be misconstrued to mean that parents must distance themselves from their children. Parents must stay tuned to their children’s needs even when they seem to dislike or dislike attention. The objective is to make sure that children get enough freedom while maintaining parent-child relations.