The never-ending self-doubt
"Am I a good mother?" "Do my kids love me?" "Am I giving my kids the right direction in life?" "What if they do not turn out the way I want them to be?"
The social rules that dictate a mother to be responsible, majorly, for a child's upbringing actually pull down her motivation at several points. Sometimes she questions herself, her motherhood and even her existence.
Being a woman is not easy and with kids the difficulty level increases by several times.
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A child yells, a mother is blamed; the child performs badly at school, the mother is blamed; the child uses foul words, a mother is asked questions!
These diatribes against a mother for everything that her child does forces several moms into self-doubt where they take each step with extreme precision with the fear that something might go wrong.
Good mother vs. bad mother
A good mother raises good kids. Bad kids are brought up by bad mothers.
This is how society sees motherhood.
A mother who sacrifices her priorities for her kids is considered a good mother and the one who does not is considered bad.
Even actresses who are super successful in their life are criticized when they return to sets within a few days of child birth.
The definition of a good mother needs to be redefined. One can be a good mother and a successful woman at the same time. A mother can be a CEO and a CEO can be a mother!
"Not a good mother" is seen as a failure
Society considers a good mother as someone who has no complaints, raises good kids, is humble, is sweet spoken, and is adorable no matter how tough the situation is.
But is it a healthy practice?
What does bottled up emotions do to a person? It deteriorates their physical and mental health.
We hardly talk about the mental well being of a person, let alone women and mothers. So, the very assumption that not a "good mother" is a failure affects many mothers and their life suffers.
Maternal instinct: Is it a fact or myth?
Every woman is born a mother? Does every woman have maternal instinct? Does motherhood come to moms easily without being guided about it?
These notions are so prevalent in our society that nobody bothers to check if it's true or not.
What if a woman does not feel motherly? Is it a crime? Is it a sin? Does it make her less womanly?
Maternal instinct is a socially designed word that favors the male gender into putting the major responsibility of parenthood on women, feel many women. It is a social thrust put on women to make them realize that motherhood is an important part of their job.
"Motherhood is deeply depersonalizing"
"First of all, being a mother is deeply depersonalizing. When you meet people, even other moms, they ask your child's name but not yours. You, weirdly, cease to matter as a human being. You exist, but you don't count other than as a shadow to your child," says Betsy Devlin, a Quora user.
"Despite everything in society being geared towards women becoming mothers, and everyone saying that being a mother is the most important job in the world, as a mother you really do not matter as a person, as yourself. It’s the biggest con affecting women in our society. No one cares if you are OK, if your life is devoid of fun or pleasure of any kind or if you are struggling: you should be completely fulfilled by motherhood alone. If you are not, something is wrong with you, and you do not deserve any sympathy. End of story," the user adds.
"Your life becomes an endless stream of anxiety and tension as you try to keep your kid alive, badgered on all sides by people who judge and check on you, without helping," Betsy also adds.
How to overcome the feeling of being a bad mother
Do not overstress yourself with what people around you tell you about motherhood.
Do not allow somebody else's comments on your motherhood affect you. Motherhood is like a fingerprint, each has its own pattern.
Always remember the way you react to people, is the way your physical and mental health might get affected
You need to understand that there is no need to fit into the mold of motherhood which has been prevailing since ages.
Believe in yourself. Do not disintegrate your ambition from motherhood; if you can handle them together do that.
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