Sister Shivani on breaking emotional patterns passed through generations

Emotional patterns pass silently from generation to generation. Patterns of reactions, dealing with stress, expressing love, and dealing with conflict are generally imbibed at home, much before we are conscious of the same. Spiritual teacher, Sister B.K. Shivani often talks about how unmanaged emotions, fears, and beliefs pass down from generation to generation unconsciously. According to Shivani, the process of change actually begins with the awareness of the same so that reactions become managed, thereby releasing emotional bondage for the coming generation.

Sister Shivani goes on to say that children learn emotional responses from adults, not by being taught. Anger, anxiety, guilt, or fear is often a learned behavior in families. Emotional patterns are transferred without any intention of passing them on; they simply become a part of one’s personality. The first step in healing comes from realizing that emotional responses are a result of being taught through learned behavior, rather than being natural responses. The awareness comes from recognizing that one’s personality is separate from emotional responses in one’s being.

As per Sister Shivani, one of the most potent tools for bringing about a transformation is ‘awareness.’ Now, if we know how we are emotionally responding to situations, we stop operating on auto-pilot mode. Rather than responding to situations as our parents or grandparents would have reacted to similar situations in the past, we learn to react in different ways after creating pause in ourselves.

Sister Shivani’s first point states that the process of healing, while very personal, can extend into generations. With one member of the family releasing unhealthy patterns of emotion, the entire family dynamic will benefit. A choice to spend the day in the power of peace instead of the power of anger or the power of understanding instead of the power of blame can prevent the undesirable emotions from being handed down to the next generation, including the children in the current generation before they can even fully understand what is happening.

Emotional responses are usually automatic and experiential. Sister Shivani shows in her teachings that a conscious response leads to emotional maturity. A conscious response occurs when an individual responds thoughtfully and in a value-driven way. When parents react and do not respond, kids learn the way of self-regulation of emotions automatically.

It is not a matter of pointing fingers at the past, but rather a matter of making a choice to be aware in the present. Sister Shivani points out, "Each thought that we have is planting a seed for the future. When people make a choice to have peace, to have compassion, to be responsible, they are creating a new emotional heritage. That heritage is a gift to future generations that is based on emotional freedom, strength, and awareness."