Why comparison is detrimental to a child's growth
Parents often compare their children to other children in order to motivate them to achieve excellence. Nonetheless, comparing a child with other children can have the opposite effect. It may lead to the child developing serious mental health issues in the long run, as it could negatively affect their self-esteem. Children should be encouraged to have a competitive spirit since it can motivate them to do good; however, teaching them to be better than their peers can sometimes be counterproductive. The result is deep-set emotional bruises that are difficult to heal and can lead to aggression, animosity, and resentment. They all hinder a child's gradual development and progress.
Parental comparisons are solely intended to promote a competitive spirit among their children. It may seem appropriate for parents to cultivate their children's latent abilities and potential so that they can excel over their peers. However, parents must understand that such comparison is not the only driving force for their children to achieve their best. The child develops a sense of detachment. It is thus important for parents to consider the following aspects:
Loses uniqueness
Preeti Bhandary, Parenting Expert says, “There are many strengths that are unique to each child. While one may excel at studies, the other could be great at sports, music, or any other activity. Whenever parents continually express dissatisfaction or unhappiness about their children's poor performance, they break their child's self-confidence instead of building it up.”
Children should not be viewed as objects
It is not appropriate for parents to treat their children as accessories. Children must not be treated as objects for social display.
Comparison ruins the mental balance
“By establishing unrealistic goals, parents tend to exploit their children unknowingly, bringing disappointment to themselves and ruining the mental balance of their children. Parents must treat them as independent individuals with adequate respect, love, and understanding,” says Bhandary, who’s also the co-founder of Little Elly.
Marks are not a marker
While education is crucial and a right that must be bestowed upon every child, it should not be the only factor to be considered in a child's development. The scored marks will fade away but the marks you leave on your child’s heart may stay with them for a long time.
Education is not a privilege, but a right
According to Bhandary, “It is the responsibility of parents to ensure that their children acquire a great education. However, it is essential to understand that the best education is designed to create self-reliant and responsible individuals, and not one which pits them against other peers and views academics as a pedestal for self-worth.”
“Every child is different and has unique talents and interests. Parents must understand and encourage such skills rather than demeaning the child by comparing them. Parents must adopt a holistic approach to their child's development and education, which is not exclusive to academics and comprises other activities as well. A child must not be forced to adhere to certain rigid societal rules. This will ensure the child's proper development so they grow up as confident individuals with high self-worth,” says Bhandary.