From karate to coding, FOMO parenting is turning childhood into a timetable

Driven by comparison and competition, parents are filling every free minute of their kids’ lives with classes


South Delhi resident Kaveri Khatri’s 10-year-old daughter Srishti is a busy girl. Her evenings are packed with gymnastics, table tennis and swimming classes. She has to complete homework and school projects too before going to bed. “When Srishti failed to qualify for an inter-school swimming competition last year, she was depressed and decided to push herself even harder although almost every second of her day is already accounted for,” says Khatri. The homemaker is concerned about her daughter’s stressful routine, but is too scared to pull her out of any class as she may get “left behind” by her peers.

The story is the same in most households with school-going children. Parents are rushing their kids from class to class so that their ‘prince’ or ‘princess’ does not have less skills or certificates than the neighbour aunty’s son. Experts refer to this trend as FOMO parenting as the decisions of moms and dads are driven by the anxiety of not keeping up or fitting in with others rather than purely by interest. The pressure created by social media has further made grandstanding a way of life for parents and for their ‘prodigy’ child. “When I interact with parents at school pick-up time and hear about how their kids are so ‘busy’ learning so many things, I end up feeling that I’m doing my child a disservice by not encouraging him to pursue more activities, that he will feel left out from his peer group,’’ confesses Jagriti Khanna, mom to a 12-year-old.




Jack of all trades

Gone are the days when it was considered normal to attend one post-school activity or a tuition and indulge in outdoor games or just ‘time-pass’ with kids in the building or colony. Parents are now trying to ensure their kids become all-rounders or ‘jack of all trades’ and excel in almost everything. The parents’ FOMO often gets absorbed by the kids too and they start signing up for multiple courses and contests. If Vivaan can be a class topper, guitar player and the captain of the football team too, why can’t I?

Anuj Srivastava reveals that his son wants to enrol in art classes though he is already tied up with chess, guitar and cricket coaching. “He feels he can’t draw or paint as well as his friends so he wants to work on his artistic ability,’’ he says. Parents like Srivastava are trying their best to provide the most supportive environment as their children are striving to not just keep up, but also surpass their peers.

Master of none

As parents race their kids from one activity to the other, sometimes children end up mastering none. Sia Tandon’s daughter went to piano classes for three years and then one day, she decided to stop and said she wanted to learn badminton. “It’s been a year since she stopped her piano classes and I wonder how much she even remembers,’’ says Tandon. “I regret spending so much time, money and effort on taking her for piano.”

Tandon shares that some parents actively pay attention to what other kids are learning, just to make their child enrol as well. “Ultimately, it feels like even parents are competing. Some of us unconsciously pass on this pressure to our kids,’’ she says. Experts blame social media for inspiring a need to create an ideal, glamorous world where they are the chief protagonist who is a pro at everything. “Children often end up building their own world of peer pressure based on what they see or hear around them. They assume everything is hunky dory and decide they need to learn and excel in everything. Parents also unknowingly make comparisons because they are under pressure to boast about their child’s achievements and want to assure themselves that their child is the best,” says Dr Roma Kumar, senior psychologist at Sir Ganga Ram Hospital.

A price to pay

Most parents end up shelling out huge sums for training their kids in activities beyond school. “My elder son attends robotics class, and the younger one has taken up chess. We end up paying up to Rs 22,000 a month just for these classes. This is in addition to their weekly cricket classes,’’ says Gurgaon mom Myra Khanna.

Niche sports and hobbies cost even more. Noida resident Anil Jain spends a substantial amount as his daughters (7 and 11) have taken up horse-riding classes. “Growing up, all I played was cricket with my friends and football in the neighbourhood park. However, most of my daughters’ friends also learn horse riding, so they insisted on taking it up and we had to cave in,’’ he says, adding that their neighbours too spend an exorbitant amount for their child’s golf lessons.

Apart from the financial drain, having too many pursuits sometimes harms the child’s health. Experts warn that some children face burnout as early as 10-12 years because they have been pushed beyond reason by their parents or by themselves. “Ultimately, kids are under pressure at home as well as school so I keep telling my children not to engage in anything that they cannot physically or mentally handle. After a certain age, they start to understand this,’’ says Khatri.

Dr Kumar cautions against over-scheduling a child’s life and advises parents to have conversations with their kids to understand their vision and what makes them happy. “Imagine a three-year-old complaining that she’s bored. Kids need to know their mind doesn’t always have to be active. It is okay to relax at times,’’ she says.


* Names of parents and children have been changed on request

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