​5 questions to ask teenagers that go beyond the cliche "how was the day"​

Teenagers experience so much more than we typically give credit for. Their minds, feelings, and relationships change all the time, and it's exhausting—for them and for us. As parents, we really want to know what they're experiencing, but sometimes it feels like we're using different languages. A simple question like "How was school? " tends to elicit brief responses or silence, and it is tempting to think they simply don't care to talk. But at other times, they are waiting for the moment, the question, or the right sort of presence. The five questions mentioned here aren't about small talk. They are soft invitations into an adolescent world. Include these in your daily check in with your teenager...

Confidence is something that all teenagers are attempting to establish, whether they own it or not. When we pose this question to them, we're not merely being inquisitive—we're asking them to identify their own strengths. It might be something related to school such as math, or something artistic like drawing, or even emotional strength. What's nice about this question is that it causes them to name and claim their abilities. It also indicates that we pay attention and appreciate their uniqueness.

This takes actual guts from a parent. It turns the tables for a minute and says to your teenager that their voice counts. Maybe it's how you yell when you're angry, or perhaps how glued you appear to your phone. Whatever it is they tell you, hear them out with an open heart. You don't need to do it on the spot, but that you asked will linger.

This is a warm and earthy question. It encourages teens to think about what's going well, even when they don't always exhibit it. It could be dinner nights with the family, the way everyone howls together at movies, or the security of having a sibling nearby. These responses can catch you off guard. They remind both of you that even in arguments or not speaking, there is love, security, and belonging.

This question kindly creates room for vulnerability. Bad days are unavoidable, particularly during teenage years. Perhaps it's music, a nap, writing, or even solitude. Occasionally, it's having someone around without insisting they converse. When a teenager knows their recovery devices are noticed and valued, they feel more secure. And as a parent, knowing what helps them bounce back provides you with the opportunity to help in a way that really makes a difference.