Behind the lipstick, beneath the skirt

THE LONG, THE SHORT & THE SKIMPY
In an age when appearances matter most, there is an inevitable link between the way men and women look and economic conditions. In difficult times, women may not buy the latest "it" bag or Manolo Blahnik , but they do spend more on small indulgences like lip colour. This led to the Lipstick Index as the economy slows down, lipstick sales go up.First noticed during the Great Depression, it seems to have been overturned. This recession around, it's flawless skin that has become the female pick-meup . Sales of foundation going up gave rise to the Foundation Index. An even more interesting phenomenon is the Hemline or Skirt Index. It seems that when the economy is booming, skirt lengths shrink and vice versa. Through the rip-roaring sixties and then in the early '90s, hemlines were high. So are you wondering why in India, the traditional ghagra is always ankle length?
The Japanese have discovered that upturns in economy are marked by the Long Hair Indicator. They should know, having gone through the 'lost decade' of stagnation. Women, according to this indicator, wear longer hair during downturns and cut it short when boom time returns.
What about men? Alan Greenspan, former chairman of the US Federal Reserve Bank who presided over most of the bubble building that has now come to grief, reportedly swore by the Men's Underwear Index. When the economy sours, look at men's underpants . In a cash crunch, men will try to stretch the time between buying new pairs, causing underwear sales to dip. Greenspan was so confident of this trend that he called it a leading indicator, that is, it started happening before the downturn became visible through other standard indicators. In 2009, men's underwear sales are expected to be down for the first time in years. So, be prepared for the holes.
The latest in the stable of appearancerelated indicators is the Tie Index. Men are making it a point to buy and wear ties to show that they are still employed. In better times, Friday dressing was in. Not any more.
PORN AND THE POD
When the going gets tough, the unemployed watch porn. The ongoing recession has created a new indicator called the Porn Index. In the past few months, traffic and transactions at adult sites have shown a decided upswing in the US. Some commentators have linked this phenomenon to the dispatch of tax-rebate cheques to millions of Americans as part of the stimulus plan. They say that windfalls tend to be spent on indulgences and treats.
There are other big pointers to indicate how the economy is doing. The Help Wanted Index of the US counts the number of help-wanted ads appearing in the country, reflecting strength or weakness of the economy. In the Orient, they do it differently. Malaysians measure economic well-being by the Mama Noodle Index. The younger generation doesn't like this brand much, so if its sales go up, it means the economy is in bad shape. An exotic Japanese invention is the Sazae-san Index. Viewership of the long-running animated TV series Sazae-san increases in bad times as people are reluctant to go out shopping.
The venerable Big Mac Index was used to find out which country is cheaper to live in by the simple device of calculating the cost of a Big Mac burger in different currencies and comparing the difference to exchange rates. But now an iPod Index has been proposed which does the same thing with the portable music player.
In case your head is spinning, take an aspirin. It will tick up the Aspirin Count according to which the drug's sales go up when share prices plummet at the stockmarkets.
JUST DO IT
In tough times, people do stuff themselves rather than pay for them. A bunch of indicators have popped up based on this, collectively called the Do-It-Yourself (DIY) Indicators. With both men and women cutting back on expensive salon visits, hair dye sales are up. This has been called the Dye Jones Index. You can see the change in black and white, as one TV commentator put it. Uptick in sales of cookbooks and kitchen garden seeds is part of this trend as cost-conscious families cut down on eating out. They have discovered that not only are homegrown vegetables and herbs cheaper, they taste better. Lunchboxes are also selling like hot cakes as people stop ordering out. However, the cake should go to the Potty Training Indicator. Search engines are reporting increased searches for courses in potty training for infants, presumably by mothers wanting to save on diaper costs.
That the economic crunch has hit even the uber-rich is revealed by the Nanny Indicator. In parks and playgrounds in tony New York neighbourhoods, you see fewer nannies taking kids around. Mum's the word these days.
SERVED HOT
Next time you're at a restaurant, check out the waitress (tell your wife it's purely for economic reasons). According to the Hot Waitress Index, the hotter the waitress, the weaker the state of the economy. The reasoning is that when times are flush, attractive women in big cities have many opportunities to make money through marketing gigs, modelling, hosting parties, and such. When times are less than flush, those opportunities dry up, and then restauranteurs snap them up to wait tables.
STARS AND GRIPES
Stockmarket indicators are hot favourites and they come in all shapes and sizes - from the plain vanilla to esoteric concoctions. The Americans have invented a whole clutch of celebrity-based indices for beating the market. These include the Lindsay Lohan, Eva Longoria, Angelina Jolie and Paris Hilton indices. All these track the products respectively endorsed by these stars, their studios and their media companies. The thinking is that whenever their films are released or do well, the share prices of these companies will go up. And, the stocks will dip when they dish out flops. So much so that there is even a Harry Potter Index which tracks the brands associated with Potter. These are short shelf life indices.
But the J Lo Indicator is different. It represents the bottoming out of falling share prices. It is supposed to indicate that an upswing is likely the next day. It derives its name from actress Jennifer Lopez who has a notable derriere.
A well-known indicator that gives sell-and-buy signals is the Harvard MBA Indicator. If more than 30 per cent of a year's graduates from the Harvard Business School take up market sensitive jobs then sell stock. If less than 10 per cent graduates take up such jobs, then buy. The logic is that if too many HBS grads are crowding in, the market is bloated and nearing its top.
Given the uncertainties of the wild stock markets, it is no surprise that some wacky indicators are also popular. There is the Boston Snow Indicator, which says that stock prices will rise in the year following a white Christmas in Boston. Then there's the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Index. If the cover model of this special issue is from the US then the S&P 500 will generate returns higher than the historical average while a non-US cover girl will cause the S&P to perform below average . Between 1978 and 2008, the average return was 10.5 per cent, but when the cover model was American the average annual return was 13.9 per cent. If the model was non-American , the average annual return was 7.2 per cent.