Love, lies & silent screams: When men become victims in the name of love

NEW DELHI: In a wave of chilling crimes across India, love is no longer just breaking hearts; it’s taking lives.

A disturbing pattern is emerging: betrayal, emotional manipulation, and cold-blooded murder, often carried out by partners and secret lovers. And disturbingly, many of the victims are men.

From love to murder: The pattern repeats
In Lucknow, 30-year-old Vijay Kumar alias Gappu was found with his throat slit just metres from his home. He had once been involved with his cousin’s wife, who later moved on to another man. When Gappu objected to her new affair, she, her husband, and her lover conspired to kill him.

In Siddharthnagar, Sangeeta Devi poisoned her husband with spiked prasad and, with her 27-year-old lover, pushed his unconscious body off a 25-foot bridge into the Rapti river. Her own son later told police, “Papa went out with mummy and Anil uncle. Only mummy came back.”

In Karnataka, a mother of two allegedly tried to poison her husband, children, and in-laws, anyone who stood in the way of her relationship with another man.

This isn’t new.

Back in 2003, Shubha, a law student from Bengaluru, was engaged to a software engineer named Girish. Just days later, he was hacked to death — the result of an affair Shubha kept secret.

Cut to 2025: 24-year-old Sonam married Indore resident Raja Raghuwanshi and traveled with him to Meghalaya for their honeymoon. Days later, his body was found in a gorge.

In both cases, men were betrayed and killed by the women they trusted.

These aren’t isolated cases. They reflect a larger issue that remains in the shadows: male victims of domestic violence and abuse by an intimate partner.

The quiet battle: Men who suffer in silence
The courtroom was quiet. A heavy tension hung in the air as Advocate Shraddha Saxena stood before the judge, her sharp gaze unwavering. For years, she had fought for the rights of those whom most people didn’t even acknowledge - men who were victims of domestic abuse.

“Once someone becomes the accused, gender becomes immaterial,” she said, her words like a thunderclap in a storm of societal misconceptions. She had heard the whispers, heard how people were quick to label men as the aggressors, women as the innocent victims. But Saxena knew better. She had seen both sides of the coin, heard the stories that no one cared to listen to.

"Whether you're a man or woman, if you're going to commit a crime, the law doesn't operate based on emotional history," she continued, stating the matter-of-fact.

The law, Saxena felt, was meant to work for all, irrespective of gender. Yet that's not how things turned out.

The harsh reality of abuse
As she talked, her mind was filled with memories of her clients. There was one man who had approached her after years of suffering. His wife had poisoned him, slowly, deliberately, as he stood helpless against her cruelty. When he entered the police station, expecting justice, he was greeted with skepticism. He was rejected by the police officers who refused to register an FIR.

It was a bitter irony how a man's suffering could be so lightly dismissed merely on the basis of his gender.

But Saxena wasn't about to give up. She remembered going to the Superintendent of Police, fighting for the rights of a man who, in the eyes of the system, didn’t seem to matter. “Men refrain from coming forward,” she sighed, her voice tinged with frustration. “They’re ashamed, afraid, or they think no one will believe them.”
A fight for fairness

The struggle, however, was not just about seeking justice. It was about confronting a deeply ingrained mindset.

Vishal Rana, another lawyer, had seen it happen too. He talked about laws to safeguard women, such as Section 498A and the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act (PWDVA). "The laws were created to safeguard women, but they can sometimes be weaponized in acrimonious relationships," he explained, his voice steady, but carrying the weight of his words. "The high acquittal rates in such cases signal a pattern of misuse."

Saxena agreed. "Of every 100 cases, 80 are real," she said, insisting that the problem wasn't with the law itself, but the way it was frequently manipulated for selfish motives.

"The law is not bad; it's the abuse that creates the issues," she continued, but even she was aware the battle was not that straightforward. For each true case, there were others who bent the law for their own purposes, using it to gain custody of children or seek revenge. And those cases, though few, tainted the image of the very laws intended to safeguard.

The nuance of emotional rationalizations
As the conversation grew deeper, a controversial topic became front-page: emotional abuse. Women, most of the time, would justify their violent acts by invoking a history of abuse. "He used to beat me, so I snapped and attacked him," they'd argue, trying to catch sympathy in the eyes of the court. Saxena’s response, however, was resolute.

The law doesn't take emotional context into account after the line is crossed," she replied bluntly. "If you kill somebody, you're a killer, regardless of circumstances." It was a harsh truth, one that cut through the emotional fog many tried to hide behind.

Rana also spoke with clarity. "Legal precedents have always upheld that the act itself, and not the victim's prior experiences, should determine culpability," he said. The law, after all, had no place for emotional excuses when it came to violent offenses.

Male victims: Out of sight, but not defenseless
But what about those men who had endured in silence? Those men who had tolerated years of physical and emotional suffering without ever being recognized as suffering? Saxena knew they existed. She had seen them. Yet, they remained invisible to most of society.

"Men can report domestic abuse, and the law will respond," she reassured, but even she could not dismiss the cultural hurdles that kept men from reporting it.

For males, finding justice seemed a perpetual struggle uphill. Society had instilled a poisonous myth - men, it seemed, couldn't be abused.

Rana himself was also aware of this discrimination. "The system sometimes does not take male victims seriously," he explained gravely. "There is a toxic masculinity myth that denies them access to justice. Society and police must be sensitized urgently."

The call for change
But despite the challenges, Saxena had hope. She knew the legal system wasn’t perfect, but it had the potential to be fair. The problem lay in the misuse of laws and the reluctance of men to seek help. And yet, some still fought for recognition, pushing against the tide of societal norms.

Amidst widening demands for gender-neutral domestic violence legislation, Saxena was on guard. "We shouldn't water down a law that saves 90 legitimate victims just for a few incidents of abuse," she said with conviction in her eyes. But rather than having the laws strengthened, she pressed men to exercise the laws, not to silence themselves, and therefore suffer. "Men should not remain silent," she emphasized.

Rana also cautioned against the risks of altering the law completely. "Instead of altering the law, we need to make the framework stronger to check abuse but ensure women's protection is not weakened," he further said.

The weight of marriage versus live-in relationships
Saxena also pondered the emotional burden of marriage compared to live-in relationships. "In marriage, there are family pressures, responsibilities, and societal judgments," she said. "That's where the conflict escalates."

Live-in relationships, on the other hand, tended to provide more freedom - freedom to leave when things got poisonous, without the emotional and legal entanglements of marriage.

But the path ahead was long. Even after securing favorable orders for her clients, enforcement remained a daunting challenge.

“The process can take years,” Saxena remarked, a sense of weariness creeping into her voice.