Chemistry of love: Why we fall for who we do | India News

In 1992, anthropologist and human behaviour researcher Helen Fisher published Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Love, Marriage and Why We Stray. The book, which quickly became a critical and commercial success, was grounded in Fisher’s field of study, biological anthropology (the study of human evolution, variability and adaptation) and based on the survey responses of tens of thousands of people — statements like “fidelity is very important to me”, with responses in four degrees (SD or Strongly Disagree, D or Disagree, A or Agree and SA or Strongly Agree). Years later, in 2009, Fisher published a much more detailed version of her findings in a new book, this time focused around some interrelated questions: What kind of a person are we likely to fall for? What does ‘having a type’ mean, emotionally? Are there certain personality types that work well with certain others? The book, Why Him? Why Her?, proved to be a contemporary classic — and it contains a great deal of practical advice about approaching one’s romantic life, too. With an enhanced understanding of one’s own character traits as well as compatibility scores with other personality types, it is possible to tip the odds a little bit in your favour, so to speak. Personality vs temperament: According to Fisher, the first thing we have to understand is the distinction between your personality and your temperament. It’s quite common to conflate the two, but in truth your ‘personality’ represents a series of traits that have been inculcated since childhood — these are more dependent upon your environment, the people around you, the things they taught you and so on. Basically, ‘personality’ refers to your character. ‘Temperament’, however, refers to your biological traits, the drives that you have inherited. It’s the part of the human spirit that governs one’s primal responses — in scenarios like fight-or-flight, or for that matter, when one is before a potential romantic interest. medium nocaption90534983As Fisher writes: “The balance of your personality is your temperament, all of the biologically based tendencies you have inherited, traits that emerge in early childhood to produce your consistent patterns of feeling, thinking and behaving. (…) Temperament is the “I am,” the foundation of who you are. Curiosity; creativity; novelty seeking; compassion; cautiousness; competitiveness: to some degree, you inherit these and many other aspects of your disposition.” As Fisher details through the rest of the book, who we fall for often depends a lot more on biological temperament than character. Chemistry matters: Fisher’s research began by narrowing down the key chemical systems involved in controlling our biological temperament — these are dopamine (transmitting pleasure), serotonin (transmitting mood), testosterone (the system controlling analytical thought) and estrogen(controlling abstract and/or instinctive, interconnected thought). Why Him? Why Her? makes it clear that it’s not these chemicals in isolation, but the way they combine with each other that crafts individual personalities. “The specific activities of any one chemical are not as significant as the ratios and interactions among all of them and several other neural systems. Nevertheless, only dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen have been directly associated with a wide range of personality traits. So variations in these four chemicals most likely form the foundation of these four basic styles of thinking and behaving.”Locating archetype: Fisher locates four basic personality archetypes: ‘Builders, Explorers, Directors and Negotiators’. People who inherit certain genes in the Serotonin system tend to be classic Builders: calm, social, loyal, “guardians of tradition”, as Fisher calls them. Similarly, dopamine-dominant systems in both men and women led to the Explorer personality — energetic and confident risk-takers. Women and men with enhanced estrogen activity “tend to see the big picture”, connecting disparate strands of thought — these are Negotiators. And testosterone-led individuals are likely to be direct, rational, analytical and excellent at breaking down complex systems of knowledge are Directors.Fisher is quick to hedge her bets by pointing out that there are exceptions in every category, not to mention people who casually inhabit traits of two or even three archetypes. “Some Directors work in a lab around the clock to find the cure for cancer; others design computer chips, work in an auto body shop or tinker in their garage,” she writes. “And some Negotiators lead countries to peace at the conference table; others teach kindergarten; others are active in social causes. The test you’ve just taken measures your innate dispositions — the hand you’re dealt. Upon this genetic foundation, you build your fuller personality with your choices and experiences.”Untitled Carousel 87753098The keywords: Once you have located your own archetype it’s time to see your test responses. It’s in the essay responses that Fisher located the word patterns associated with the four archetypes. As she writes in the book, “Adventure is the word most often used by Explorers. The other nine of their top 10 most-used words (in descending order) are venture, spontaneity/spontaneous, energy, new, fun, travelling, outgoing, passion and active. Family is the most-used word among Builders. Following this, Builders are particularly partial to the words honesty, caring, moral/morals, respect, loyal, trust, values, loving and trustworthy.” Similarly, ‘intelligent’ and ‘intelligence’ are favoured by Directors. But they also favour ‘intellectual’, ‘debate’, ‘geek’, ‘nerd/nerdy’, and so on. The favourite words of Negotiators were ‘passion’ and ‘passionate’. These individuals also prefer ‘real’, ‘heart’, ‘kind/kindness’, ‘sensitive’, read/reader, ‘sweet’ and others along similar lines. medium nocaption90534818(It hardly needs pointing out — these findings have immense potential applications in dating platforms. If you are a user of one of these services, these keywords offer a valuable shorthand with which one can narrow down one’s set of potential partners.) Compatibility evolves: Obviously, there are certain combinations of archetypes that just work better than others. According to Fisher’s findings, Explorers tend to favour other Explorers while Builders tend to favour other Builders. Negotiators tend to choose to meet Directors (and then make up their minds eventually) and vice versa. In this last case, you can see a demonstration of a cliché romantic line — the idea that ‘opposites attract’. Directors’ focus and their formidable logical faculties help cover up some of the drawbacks of Negotiators (impulsive, prone to flights of fancy). In the same vein, Negotiators can help Directors slow down, take a step back and appreciate the small pleasures of life — and their intuition can help Directors in their creative ventures, too.The Director-Negotiator is demonstrated by Fisher using the case of Patrick and Suzanne — he’s a classic Negotiator (schoolteacher) while she’s a classic Director (business executive). They really are perfect for each other, but Fisher is quick to warn us that our needs evolve with time. And that’s really the final lesson — even if we are sure of and comfortable in our personality types, we have to keep some wiggle room for age, adaptability and the general vagaries of life in the 21st century.Why Him? Why Her? is full of instructive, engrossing scenarios. It’s the rare kind of pop-science book, one that appeals to laypeople and experts alike.(Lead image: iStock)Untitled Carousel 90205188