Being Indrani Mukerjea's daughter | India News

The Supreme Court on May 18 granted bail to Indrani Mukerjea, prime accused in the murder of her daughter Sheena Bora. The court said bail was granted on grounds of her long incarceration of six-and-a-half years with no signs of the trial completing anytime soon. Here's an interview with her other daughter Vidhie Mukerjea that was published in August 2021."I would like to dedicate this book to my mother...someone who has loved me unconditionally...so she can get to know me and the battles I have faced. I do not understand some of her decisions and actions and hope to get some answers and clarity in the coming years. This is for her."The mother in question here is media executive Indrani Mukerjea, imprisoned at Byculla women’s prison in Mumbai, and on trial for the murder of her other daughter Sheena Bora. Indrani’s surviving daughter Vidhie Mukerjea recently released her memoir Devil's Daughter, chronicling the five years since Sheena’s sensational murder was discovered in 2015 and how it completely upturned her life. First, the backgroundIndrani and her husband Peter Mukerjea, the former CEO of Star TV, were Mumbai’s IT couple — wealthy, ambitious flamboyant and well-connected. The who’s who of India’s powerful media industry had wined and dined at their sprawling terrace apartment overlooking the Arabian Sea. Theirs was a perfect life until the police came knocking in August 2015, one day before their daughter Vidhie Mukerjea’s 18th birthday. The Mukerjeas had ordered more than a dozen personalised Moet and Chandon bottles with her name for the birthday party that never happened. medium85679894Peter Mukerjea was 46 years old, divorced and the father of two adult sons, Rahul and Rabin, when he was introduced to Indrani by a common friend. Before long, Indrani had moved into Peter Mukerjea’s home with her three-year-old daughter Vidhie from her earlier marriage with Kolkata businessman Sanjeev Khanna. Other than Vidhie, it was believed that she had no children. She did have her parents and two step-siblings, Sheena and Mikhail Bora, back home in Assam.Years later, Sheena Bora, like Indrani, came to Mumbai to build a new life. She fell in love with Peter Mukerjea’s son Rahul, a relationship that Indrani frowned upon and actively discouraged. Sometime in 2012, Sheena Bora disappeared from Mumbai — the family was told she had moved to the US to start a new life. Only Rahul Mukerjea, her boyfriend, remained unconvinced. Three years later when the murder came to light, Vidhie Mukerjea, who had until then led an extremely sheltered and privileged life, found her world turned upside down — her mother was arrested for the murder of her sister whom she had thought of until then as her aunt, her biological father Sanjeev Khanna too was arrested on charges of abetment and so was her beloved dad Peter Mukerjea. medium85679945Barely 18, her cushioned life yanked from under her feet, unsure whom she could trust, and facing intense media scrutiny, Vidhie found her life unraveling. She slipped into depression, suffered debilitating panic attacks and intense trauma. Devil’s Daughter is her account of reclaiming her life. Excerpts from TOI's podcast interview with Vidhie.How was Devil's Daughter chosen as the title? My partner and I were out in the ocean. We were having this crazy conversation. I always knew that there was going to be a book, but I just didn't know when. We were thinking of possible names and it popped up. I fell in love with it. My first thought didn't go to my mother, I genuinely viewed myself as the devil's child. And the devil is portrayed by the society, the law, the media and ultimately my own self. medium nocaption85680449You are remarkably frank about your ambiguity with your mother. You have a critical moment when you meet her in jail. Can you talk about your relationship with your mother?Like any parent-child relationship, it comes with a lot of complexities. My mom and I do have a complicated relationship. But it's not bad. I empathise with the difficult path that she had to walk and I have a lot of compassion for her plight. When this whole thing happened, I was just so confused. And my first reaction was to shut off from her and from the world.I think that my mom and I have a lot of stuff to work through. And I am giving her a chance. I am appreciative and grateful for the life that she's given me. I can't ignore that. We're just taking one step at a time. I think today, she'd be incredibly proud of me. She will be getting a copy of the book soon. I've kind of given her a disclaimer of what's in the book. I just said 'Mom, this is going be a book that's all my truth. And I can't really filter it out. Not for you, not for anyone'. I think she understood that. She's very understanding. medium85680040In your book, one thing which that really struck me is where your mother says 'I did everything for you'. 'It's almost like a burden,' you say. It is a terrifying thing to deal with.Most parents have the habit of saying this to their kid, it's not just with my mom. I realise a lot of parents subconsciously don't know what it actually sounds like.When you really think, it is a bit borderline manipulative, although that may be too strong a word. But, yeah, saying 'I've done everything for you', it does weigh you down. When this whole thing happened, I wondered, 'do I have a huge part to play in this, did all this all happen because of me?' But then I realised that I can't take responsibility for someone else's actions. I did take a step back and make myself realise that none of this is my fault. medium nocaption85680502What is your relationship with your father Peter Mukerjea?I think everyone knows that my father and I are like two peas in a pod. Since the moment I came into his life, he used to always tell me I was the apple of his eye. And it's the same with me. From day one, we've shared this incredible bond that I haven't felt with anyone else. He's my knight in shining armour, he's everything to me, he's the reason I actually live.Even when I would visit him in prison, and sometimes I'd just be crying, he would look at me and still make a joke. Everyone in the family gets so much strength from him.You said in the book that there came a point where you actually told your father 'divorce mom and I will move in with you'. That little line tells you so much about the family dynamic. Was it also difficult before all this came to light?We had a lot of disagreements, At times we were close, and at times, we didn't understand each other at all. I was also quite a rebellious kid. I didn't make it easy for my mother either. During my schooling years, my mom and I weren't the best of friends. My dad and I were close, so I was happy to say 'dad, I'll just live with you'. I probably didn't even know half of what I was saying. Those were just words randomly coming out of my mouth. medium nocaption85680536In your book you write that when the cops were there, you went and asked your mom, 'is Sheena our sister?' Was it something that you had sort of dealt with?It was one of those taboo topics in our house that no one could talk about...everyone just knew not to bring it up. When I asked her, it just naturally and organically came to me. 'Is this what's going on?' Because it was mentioned by the cops. I thought it was all just a misunderstanding; we were also confused.You described your childhood as one that was very protected. When all this happened, did you kind of get a sense of 'do I know my parents?'I didn't process anything for the first two years. I was literally escaping my reality. When I was in London, for example, no one in my friends circle knew who my parents were. When they would talk about things like 'my mom called me today, she's annoying me so much,' I would just say 'oh, my God, I know what you mean'. I would make myself believe that I have a normal life. But when I started processing it, I did wonder, more for my dad, not so much for my mom, 'what's happening? what's going on?' medium nocaption85680588When you talk about your father also getting imprisoned, your reaction was to blame your mom, and in your mind he was paying the price for being married to her.Back then, I was incredibly emotional. I was this angry kid who would blame anyone for anything. I was 18. And I was just filled with all sorts of emotions.What made you write this book and return to the public eye?Last year, in the midst of the pandemic, I graduated and had this big question mark about what's going to come next. Mentally, I wasn't in the best place either. But I knew I had to face certain fears. As all these emotions and deeper realisations were coming through, I knew I had to write this down. I got on my laptop and started typing – in two months, I finished the book. After I finished my first draft, it's like I had come out of this intensive two-month dream, because I had relived every single moment of the last five years. But, I'm so glad that it happened the way it did. And not just the process of merely writing the book...but everything. It was terrible and torturous, and it really took me a long time to embrace it. medium85680122Your journey is also one about confronting difficult emotions. When you were writing, was there anything you did not want to confront? Yeah, absolutely, I was sort of in the best and in the worst mental mind frame when I was writing this book. I remember absolutely everything. It's just so clear in my head. Reliving some of those moments of the last five years as I was writing, there are so many times I had to stop and take a break, and breathe. My laptop was like my therapist. I think my first draft was about 150,000 words. It's now condensed into almost half. So yes, it was incredibly tough. But the more I wrote, the easier it got, essentially because the stuff right at the beginning was the hardest to confront. You have kept low-key in these last five years. Is there concern now that you're back in the public eye? What was the impetus for publishing the book?In the past two years, I realised that I want to live a private life. But then, when I started writing, there was so many down moments I had, that were filled with panic attacks and anxiety. And I wondered how many other young people my age, for different reasons, would be facing similar challenges, which is when I realised that I have to write this book. Getting into such a depressive state can really lead to tragic endings. I just want to inspire people through my story. A situation as dire as mine, this is my guide on how I came out of it. medium nocaption85680617Did you grapple with what to include and what to exclude?Not really. When I first wrote it, I just wrote everything. Also, I was in quite an angry state at the time. After I finished that draft, my editor worked with me to tighten it. And yes, there was a lot that was initially written that was darker than I wanted. I also wanted to make the book light. At the end, I wanted the reader to finish the book with a smile. There were a lot of moments that I didn't put down, those that I'm not ready to talk about even now. How would you describe your current state of being?That's a fun question. Since my dad has come out of prison, obviously everything's changed. This huge weight was lifted off our shoulders, Then once I started working on myself and my book, everything has been good. I can't be more grateful to the people around me that have helped me understand myself.To me, solitude is most important. I'm happiest when I'm by myself. Things are good right now, I've learned how to control my emotions, my panic attacks, my different states of mind.One of the things that is powerful in the book is the unvarnished way in which you talk about your panic attacks. There are so many people who suffer from something similar and aren't able to talk about it. Can you talk about this, especially about what happened on Christmas day in London?Anxiety is something that we all battle with. For the first two years, I wasn't feeling anxious because I was in escape mode. I pretended that I was this normal kid with a normal life when I was abroad. And then one fine day, it really hit me and that's when I started getting anxious.Before that, for two years, I was constantly around friends, traveling, backpacking. I was just escaping into anything I possibly could so as not to be alone. That Christmas was the first time I was all alone, and it wasn't by choice. Everyone was busy with their own families. That's the first time I felt this weird physical feeling. It all came crashing down on me that day.But then I fell way too deep into that pattern – questioning and doubting everything. I allowed my mind to alter my way of thinking – when anything good that would come my way, I was almost programmed to think that it would all go away – that something would happen and take that happiness away. medium nocaption85680567What really helped me is this really immersive, intensive psychotherapy call Shadow Work. It's essentially where you're reaching the darkest parts of your mind. You ask yourself questions on topics like insecurities, jealousy, sexuality, your darkest thoughts that you're ashamed to even look at. For a few weeks, I thought I was going crazy. My flaws were showcased in front of me, tormenting me. I cried for two days straight. But one day, I woke up and and I was just like, 'Oh, I feel amazing'. After that, I haven't had even one panic attack. I've come close to having it, but I've been able to control it.To the world outside, the Mukerjea family seems dysfunctional. What was it is like to be part of that family?It's great. I love it. They're my family. They've known me since I was like three years old. Like all families, we have spats. But now, we're past all the minuscule problems, since our problems were so much bigger. We don't strive to be that perfect family or make those obligatory trips. You talk a lot about Rabin in the book. But you don't talk so much about Rahul? I personally don't feel right talking the inner workings of our family because we want to keep that part private. We're all trying to heal. At some moments, we might need space and time from each other and other moments we need each other. There was a dark period of my life where I literally didn't talk to anyone for two years because I needed that time and my family was so understanding. You're 23, it's a very special age. If I were to ask you to describe yourself, how would you do that? I would like to think I'm quite creative and optimistic. That's something these five years have taught me – to be an eternal optimist. I think my dad would be quite happy if he heard that. In any ugliness trying to find that beauty.When you meet strangers and they know who you are, over the years has people's reactions changed? I would say my reaction has changed over the years. I embrace it, I can easily talk about it. When someone earlier asked me what my book was about, I used to have this 'do I want to say anything or should I just send the link?' Now if someone asks me, I'll just be like 'this is what happened to me'. I can talk about it and embrace my story because it's empowered me, this whole journey has empowered me.Listen to the podcast hereUntitled Carousel 85589000 Untitled Carousel 85657666