Anupam Kher on losing Rishi Kapoor, Irrfan Khan, and hope amid Covid fear

The celebrated actor Anupam Kher has written three books, including an autobiographyTalking about his latest book, Your Best Day is Today, he underlines simple pleasures of life that help us survive grim timesHe talks about the fear of the unknown when Covid struckKher also talks about losing his friends, like Rishi Kapoor and Irrfan KhanExcerpts from a conversation at the Times Literature Festival 2021Did you know that the celebrated actor Anupam Kher has written three books, including an autobiography? During a conversation at the Times Literature Festival 2021, Kher opened up about how writing and acting can be cathartic. Talking about his latest book, Your Best Day is Today, he underlined how important it is to seek and cherish simple pleasures of life that help us in surviving grim times. The actor who has worked both in Bollywood and Hollywood also spoke about losing his friends, Rishi Kapoor and Irfan Khan. How have the two artistic outpourings of writing and acting worked for you as cathartic influences, and what has the difference been between the world of acting and the world of writing for you? I'm not an author or a writer, I've trained myself to be an actor and for 30 years of my career I've only concentrated on acting, of course I opened a school in between and things like that, which is still going. But writing was something which I wanted to express what I feel as a person. Best Thing About You is You was my first book, which was written in 2011. It was basically a collage of my articles that I used to write for Deccan Chronicle. It was more about what I feel about life, how to empower yourself, etc. So the second book, which came in fact after six years, was my autobiography, Lessons Life Taught Me Unknowingly”. Even though it's my autobiography, I've basically concentrated on my failures. And I think in Hindi, I don't think in English. So, for me to write books in English, it needs courage and it also needs a certain amount of thought process. Communication in English is possible because you don't have to sort of formulate certain kinds of sentences, so all the three books are an extension of what I have felt. You can call them life coaching books, self help books. At least they have made me the person that I am and I hope that the readers also feel that they can identify with what I'm going through. But writing books has been more cathartic because when I'm playing a character in a film, in that character is that person who’s not me. Even though I am manifesting it through my emotions and my acting capabilities. But I mean, I'm writing the books that I mean the kind of books that I'm writing. It is my direct connection with the readers. I think writing the book Your Best Day is Today, which is now already a bestseller, was a very brave act. In the middle of all that angst, that helplessness, that hopelessness — that we were all feeling, when a lot of people were making videos of themselves, washing utensils and washing clothes, you were sitting and dictating thoughts into your dictaphone. Help trying to pep yourself up. And in the process, by writing the book, you pepped up so many other people who have gone through the book and told us all how to deal with the pandemic, which was something which was so unknown to us. I was basically trying to overcome my fear, I was fearful. I came from New York to Mumbai on March 20 after abruptly finishing my series that I was doing there. When I landed in Mumbai it was around 11:30am. I had never seen Mumbai airport the way it was. I had never seen the streets of Mumbai that way. It instilled a certain amount of fear. The same atmosphere was there in New York, but I didn’t know New York like I know Mumbai. I have stayed in Mumbai for 39 years. There was a fear of the unknown. Only after 2-3 days, I said now how do I find and feel better about it? Then I heard birds chirping outside of my house for the first time. I heard a cuckoo bird and looked up, I saw shades of blue in the Mumbai sky. I thought that this is an indication that it's not so bad, but writing and speaking in the dictaphone was to drown my own fear in my words, whether they were spoken or whether they were written so that was the need to do that. And I said so I started writing my journey and what I'm going through, what I'm feeling and then some very dear friends, their death did not help at all. Whether it was Rishi Kapoor with whom I had spent almost a year in New York when he was getting treated there. We had come very close then, otherwise we met work to work. Then Irrfan Khan, a brilliant, dynamic actor. My yoga teacher's husband, my friend, also passed away. There's a very beautiful sentence in your book where you said it is not always waiting for the storm to pass. Sometimes it is important to learn how to dance in the rain. I found that beautiful. I have always celebrated my failures. That sort of takes away the fear of wanting to be somebody else. I don't like to pretend because people who pretend don't like themselves. I like myself from what I've done with my life. I'm a son of a forest department clerk from Shimla. We lived in a small house with 14 people in it, but we were very happy there. One day I asked my grandfather, we are very poor, why are we happy? He said when you’re poor the cheapest luxury is happiness. So every time, it's not like the person who's optimistic does not go through depression, does not go through sadness or feel lower, or does not indulge in self pity. Everybody does that. But then failure can be celebrated. My father used to say failure is an event, never a person. A person does not fail unless he or she accepts it. Do you subscribe to the notion that this corona perhaps was sent as a way of helping us balance out our lives? Exactly, we individually started thinking that I am the most powerful person. Power is greed. We are sending our people to Mars and are setting up colonies there. And the biggest nations, the most number one nations Europe or America really, really got more impacted than other third world countries because somehow the third world countries have a sense of immunity. I used to drink water from a hand pump before coming to Bombay and when I came here I started drinking the filtered water and I fell ill. How could God or whoever that superpower is, how could he or she teach a lesson to the whole world by sending one small virus? It's a learning that has happened on a world level. Everybody has learned their lessons and anybody who does not learn the lesson, there is something wrong with the person, but I personally feel change is very silent, you don't know it happening overnight. It will feel. Maybe the younger generation after five years, 10 years, will talk about, oh, this is what happened, this is how the world has become different. Negativity was becoming so rampant you could only see nastiness. To me after three years or five years being cool will be being honest, being cool will be being compassionate, being cool will be being straightforward to be able to talk to other people because we also understand kindness. So there's something really interesting said about you by Mahesh Bhatt. He said Anupam oscillates between dread and hope, nervous, but confident, that's what he is. And he said to cure you is to kill you. Keep this angst, helplessness, unhappiness, going, stay thirsty. Is that an apt description of you, and is there any fear of you losing that hunger if you get more positive? I don't have fear. I have thirst, I have thirst for knowledge. My wealth does not depend that I have a Mercedes car or I have a house. In fact, I don't even own an apartment in Mumbai. I live in a rented apartment. I decided 4-5 years back that I don't want to own property. The only property that I bought four years back was a house for my mother in Shimla because one day I asked her after my father passed away, she started living with us. I tried to tease her asking that what else does she need, she has Anupam Kher. She surprised me by saying that she wanted to own a house in Shimla. I asked her why as she didn’t even live there. She said that she had always lived in a rented house and now wanted a one-bedroom house where she could visit in summers. So she was seeing this house over 100 years old with a bedroom hall that had an entrance from outside and she liked that place. I was in Mumbai so she called me up and said that she liked that house and wanted to buy that one-bedroom. I thought since I am gifting my mother, let’s make it grand. I asked the broker to confirm with the owner if the whole house can be sold. He quoted an amount and I bought it. Surprisingly, my mother started shouting at me. So, that’s the only house I own. What Bhatt Sahab has said, he knows me very well but I think I have this quench and thirst for people, I am a people’s person. I am interested in you as a person, that is the way I am. So, there’s no fear but yes, I do remember my days of being a struggling actor when I used to roam around the street and I really went through lots of humiliations. But I used those stories to elevate myself and tell other people that a bad time is also good because these stories become inspirational. I don’t plan things and I live my life to the fullest. That is why the title of the book is also Your Best day is Today. Anchor: Jasleen BhallaAudio production: Basant Singhal Note: The podcast was recorded on Sep 8, 2022