London. Liquor baron and wanted tycoon Vijay Mallya recently announced that he will be returning to India, but only conditionally. As soon as this news broke out, both Congress and BJP jumped to take credit for Mallya’s return.
However, happiness of both the parties was short-lived when Mallya revealed his precondition and said he will move back to India only when his team Royal Challengers Bangalore wins the IPL.
The government was left hopeless on hearing this because going by the performance of RCB in the previous nine editions of the IPL, it is clear that they are as likely to win the trophy as Lal Krishna Advani is to become Prime Minister ever.
As per govt leaders, why RCB has not been able to win the IPL even after having players of such caliber as Virat Kohli, AB De Villiers, and Chris Gayle is a mystery as confounding as why people still believe in the Aam Aadmi Party.
"There is a better chance of India lifting the football world cup than of RCB winning the IPL. Rather than hoping of a RCB win, Mallya could as well have wished for discovery of an alien life," said a distraught govt official.
Congress too rebuked Mallya and asked him to not play with their emotions by keeping such implausible preconditions.
“We had already decided to attribute Mallya’s comeback to India to a relentless campaign by Shri Rahul Gandhi led Congress party and had even prepared posters crediting Gandhi leadership for same," revealed a senior congress leader. "This is not done," he added dejectedly.
BJP leaders further drew comparisons between Mallya and Delhi CM Arvind Kejriwal.
"Mallya has turned out be a bigger bhagoda than Kejriwal. Even Kejriwal ran away from Delhi and returned, but there is no hope about Mallya," said BJP minister Ravi Bhayankar Prasad.
Meanwhile, Mallya has asked both BJP and Congress spokesperson to chill and enjoy Kingfisher beer (but not on highways).