New Delhi. In a study that has shocked exactly no one, an avid chain-smoker was found to have better and healthier lungs than a Delhi citizen.
A team of researchers compared the lung capacity of a guy in Mumbai smoking 40 cigarettes a day (not to be confused with Shah Rukh Khan) with a person breathing Delhi's air and found that the Mumbai guy had better-functioning lungs and a great chance of outliving his Delhi counterpart.
"So Mumbai residents have healthier lungs and they also don't have to put up with Arvind Kejriwal's nonsense? Mumbai seems to be better than Delhi in every sense," a guy in Lajpat Nagar told our reporter while on his way to buy an air purifier.
Keeping the findings of the study in mind, doctors have started recommending cigarettes to patients in Delhi who complain of breathing problems rather than asking them to do Yoga.
Explaining the logic behind the decision, a doctor said, "Yoga breathing or Pranayama includes inhaling and exhaling air, but Delhi's air is so polluted that this exercise can prove extremely fatal."
"On the other hand, cigarettes at least have a filter which reduces the amount of smoke, tar, and fine particles inhaled. So smoking a cigarette is any day better for the lungs than breathing in Delhi's air," the doctor who graduated from now defunct IIPM, added.
The Censor Board also took cognizance of this fact and Pahlaj Nihalani passed an order that all movies shot in the national capital should carry a statutory warning saying, "Breathing in Delhi's air is injurious to health."
Nihalani further implored Bollywood stars to actively smoke in movies, so that people would follow their footsteps and have healthy lungs. Anurag Kashyap was left dazed by this development and had to be rushed to a hospital.
Meanwhile, Baba Ramdev has announced the launch of Patanjali cigarettes for healthier lungs.