Romance & Marriage: Ever after isn't impossible

Courtship meant writing endearing notes, holding hands, talking for hours. Then came the wedding. They didn't need to impress each other any longer. They could drop their guard, let their warts show. A few years down the line there were no surprises left. The easy comfort had turned into dull routine. Romance was on life support.... Anandita and Parthav Agnihotri have been married for over 10 years.They would often get nostalgic about that first flush of excitement they had felt when they bunked classes to meet at the college cafe. "So we decided to bunk office one day and have lunch. And guess what, despite the wine and the ambience, we ended up discussing the kids through the afternoon," says Anandita. "When we paid our bill we burst out laughing. And giggled our way back to our offices. Surprisingly, we were dying to meet each other in the evening to discuss our stupidity. That's when we realised — It had worked. Romance was alive, only the definition had changed." The stress of modern urban living, the growing expectations from a relationship, the increasing number of families breaking up, all take their toll on a marriage. A little extra effort to keep the romance alive helps. "It can be something as simple as SMS-ing a corny joke," says 29-year-old Sumesh Trehan, an architect. "Done with a sense of balance it can keep the electricity flowing." Sometimes, showing your affection is equally important. "At the end of the day, all I want is a nice warm hug from my husband. It's better than the roses and candlelight dinner I would have enjoyed eight years back," says Smita Kohli, a high schoolteacher. Sharing means caring. Despite having little time after office, kids and in-laws, Sudha and Ajay Sharma make it a point to go out for an after dinner walk. "We don't hold hands anymore, we would feel stupid doing it. But both of us look forward to the walk. We might discuss family, friends or films. We might just walk together quietly. It's not 'romantic romantic'. But it's comfortable." Sudha goes on: "A friend once explained the way she and her husband still share their dreams. They've done it since before they got married. Now they talk about growing old together, sitting on a couch with children, grandchildren and great grandchildren running around. They've kept the chase going." 'Ever after' is not impossible.