The Class of 2005

<div class="section1"><div class="Normal">Thousands of school kids, having swotted for months, are currently being swatted with the board exams. Like Arjun with his own marksmanship, they are oblivious of everything that is happening around them. They do not know it, but the two major issues of the week were burning the midnight oil over the very same subjects.The election results and the budget were all about geography, mathematics, chemistry, social studies and literature (mainly fiction). No one wants to be history.<br /><br />Elections, like the boards, are a career-defining examination. The EC-ji doesn''t miss a beat to keep them ticking. He ensures that nobody''s cheating, no one''s trying to slip in a sop with formulae written into it, and that everybody keeps to the time limits. He has been known to snatch away the microphone in mid-sentence, exactly like a heartless invigilator pulling away the answer sheet.<br /><br />As we''ve seen all week, it''s not over even when the rig-marole is over. Several candidates demand a re-evaluation. They cannot accept a tally far lower than what they themselves, their tutor, their godfather-mother, and their pet poodles, expected. In electoral results as in exams, it''s laddoos for some, a ladoo for others. <br /><br />Similarly, haven''t you noticed that FMs stride into Parliament with exactly the same cautious swagger as students into the exam centre; they also emerge from it beaming or trying to put up a brave face, depending on how they fared. True, Jaswant Singh looked like a stentorian public school principal and Yashwant Sinha like a more-benign Master-ji, but Chidambaram absolutely fits the earnest-schoolboy bill with his thick glasses, immaculate uniform, and smug, scrubbed look. It''s clear that a fond amma has ensured that his brain''s been well-fed, well-rested, and well-massaged. <br /><br />This year''s most controversial paper has been the Physics one in the CBSE exam. The despairing students wailed that it was "confusing" and, worse, "out of syllabus". The Central Board of State Elections faced exactly the same charges. The NDA candidates, extremely Soren over the Jharkhand Governor''s Out of Syllabus behaviour, have staged a march out, and a parade. In Bihar, no one is quite sure who has failed and who has Passwanned. <br /><br />Similarly, agitated recipients of the Chidambaram-set Finance paper jumped to their feet on Monday, shouting "Confused" and "Out of Syllabus!" Outside parliament, people stood around like anxious parents, shaking their heads over the aftermath of the FM''s math. Too much was deducted; the multiplier effect is yet unknown. <br /><br />Indeed, both the budget and ministry - forming operate on the Physics law that the greater the external pressure, the greater the volume of hot air. But it''s more appropriate to draw an analogy from light rather than heat considering that the Raman Effect was again in the news last week, 77 years after its discovery by that genius with the impressive CV. Intel has reportedly used it to create the "all silicon Raman laser". But the effect can as easily be applied to the less Intel-Inside breed of politicians. Like photons with an atom, when two candidates strike the same seat, they knock elect-rons out. These elect-rons absorb photon-finishes, thus weakening the beam of one - and the sulk of the other. <br /><br />HHH<br /><br />Alec Smart said: "Why should we get more Pakistani Meeras? Because actresses are good at kiss and make-up."<br /><br /><span style="" font-style:="" italic="">Juggling Act and Erratica, compilations of best of Jugular Vein and Erratica, now available at leading bookstores. Or log on to www.books.indiatimes.com.</span></div> </div>