The Boy gets a Bride

<div class="section1"><div class="Normal">No 2 Son is all set to wed, and it hasn''t quite sunk in. Because, unlike all the other tremors of parenthood, this time, No 1 Son hasn''t prepared us. He''s still sitting on the marital fence, so, not having been <span style="" font-style:="" italic="">saas </span>for his goose, I don''t know how to handle this gander.<br /><br />No 2 Son''s choice is as flawless as possible. Yet, he stands on a threshold as unknown as his bubbly bride''s. <br /><br />What do I tell him that will take them through the long haul? What can I say to ensure that the romance isn''t crushed under the burly hurls of office work, housework, homework - and the plain work that goes into making the miracle of a good marriage?<br /><br />I''ll manage without the sermon, Mom, you''ll say. But I''ll say it anyway. Tell you that there are a myriad little things you must learn to forget. And some big things you must never forget to remember. Like today''s magical moment. Never forget what the two of you went through simply to arrive at the start of this journey. Work as assiduously to keep the relationship as you did to get it. Keep the faith, and keep earning the trust. Remember that happiness is not some-thing that just happens without any effort on your part.<br /><br />She''s a girl who will seek out your hand at every turn. Don''t mistake this for weakness. Honour it as her strength - it''s her generosity that makes so much room for you in her life. Savour it, but remember that she''ll suffocate if you don''t give her some personal space. Work out the give and take early, when discussion hasn''t atrophied into demand. Marriage is much more fun as an equation. You have the examples. Follow them. <br /><br />You''ve survived a working mother without serious damage, so you shouldn''t have trouble adjusting to a career wife. Encourage her - you''ve seen the wonders that such support can achieve. She may, in the hormonal smother of motherhood, want to be nothing more. It''ll be easy to concur. But stand up to the temptation, and say, "Get thee behind me, disposable diapers." <br /><br />As soon as she is able, push her back to celebrate her other talents. <br /><br />It will help you as much to grow. And stop you from lapsing into the spurious complacence of thinking you can play parent by proxy. <br /><br />Remember that no amount of sugary condescension is a substitute for treating her as equal. You''ll scoff now at the need for such advice, but later you just might assume that respect is a one-way street. If you do, you''ll discover it to be a dead end.<br /><br />But in all this equality, still see yourself as the provider. Of material comforts, yes. But more so of companionship. Invest time in your kids as much as you financially secure their future. Consciously build a portfolio of memorable moments. This is what will glow — and glue together when so much seems so darkly to fall apart. Finally, remember to laugh. With her. There isn''t a better marriage counselor that I can think of. Apart, that is, from your Mom. OK, kiddo, end of lecture. Njoy!<br /><br />HHH<br /><br />Alec Smart said, "Why is the Ambani fortune like amoeba? Because it has to split if it wants to multiply." </div> </div>