Arrive derci Sonia

Oh dear. I did not think a time would come when I''d be saying "Bechari Sonia". Today, it''s not just me but countless others feeling this way about a woman who''d declared herself empress of India. (egged on by acolytes, of course).
The paradox is that a former rani won while the faux queen had to swallow her pride, lick her wounds and ask in bewilderment what exactly had gone wrong.Today, even her most devoted supporters are questioning the wisdom of having her around.
While most blame her for her party''s abysmal showing recently and are ready to write her off, there are those who still hang on to some hope, accurately pointing to one sad fact: if not Sonia, who else? It has come to that. Despite the embarrassing numbers (down to 11 states).
Cynics refer to the current mess in trendy terms. It''s called the TGIS phenomenon (Thank God It''s Sonia). By making her the scapegoat, all the other goats from her rapidly disintegrating party automatically give themselves an undeserved reprieve.
Where were you, Natwar Singh and Arjun Singh? We know where you were — looking after the political fortunes of your ladla betas instead of rooting for madamji. And where are you even now, when Sonia needs you the most? Playing hookey again?
If you ask me, what Jr Mrs Gandhi needs is a vacation... May I recommend the Amalf Coast? I''ve yet to eat better pizzas or pastas or find prettier beaches. Everybody needs a holiday and now''s a good time, honey. Think of past hols with your late husband and his buddies.
Each time you chaps came back from those dream destinations, Rajiv appeared recharged and ready to roar. Besides, a little distance (physical emotional, spiritual) acts like an instant tonic.
A bit of sun, a bit of fun, a little bit of vino and then back to the grime and dust of Dilli politics. Deckchair lounging can be deliciously therapeutic when a serious review of life is required.
The question to ask is: Does India need Sonia? India. Not the Congress party. The answer is obvious. At least to me. And has been from the time Sonia decided to step into the political maidan and aim for the top job. Poor lady was just not qualified for it and nobody bothered to tell her so.
Even now, while the Congress faces humiliation and possible disintegration, she remains the Chosen One. Which suits their opponents just fine. As a BJP bigwig once laughed, "So long as Madam continues to lead her party, our position is safe. She is our best insurance against defeat. We want her there forever."
The joke went further when he mentioned he''d be distributing Sonia lockets to his party members and instructing them to touch the talisman daily and pray for Sonia''s long reign. Looks like a lot of lockets were distributed during the past few months.
With 2004 being an election year, Madam''s responsibilities are likely to treble. Salman Khurshid may hire the best international brains to re-image Sonia. Good luck, buddy. Recasting Sonia in a new mould may be the last desperate strategy for a party coming apart at an alarming speed, but what will it salvage or gain?
No sir, Sonia doesn''t need a makeover. Only jaded models and fading actors rely on that as a last resort. What Sonia needs is an education — and I''m not being facetious. She needs it. Or all those millions of women in India who are denied a basic right to knowledge need it.
In her place, I''d go back to school and start from scratch. This isn''t just about acquiring some meaningless degree. This is about informing herself about a country she clearly knows very little about.
I would strongly recommend a reading of Kautilya''s Arthashastra. Maybe then, she will learn the basic lessons of statecraft a la India. And realise why she didn''t stand a chance in the first place.