Actresses are public personalities, not public property to be made fun of

At a recent press conference to promote a film, a YouTube vlogger asked Tamil–Malayalam actor Gouri G Kishan’s co-star whether he had difficulty lifting her in romantic scenes “because of her weight”. An irate Gouri cut in: “How does my weight concern you? How is that relevant to the film? My weight is my choice — it does not define my talent.” Her poised pushback, delivered even as the vlogger began shouting, went viral. In this interview with Alka Dhupkar, she explains why she pushed back, and what led to this moment

■ Your firm response to the body shaming has won praise, but were you disappointed that nobody on the dais or the journalists came to your rescue?I was disappointed, but not because I expected someone to rescue me. I think I proved that we’re all capable of speaking for ourselves. But having said that, we are a team. My encounter went on for 10-12 minutes. As human beings we have a certain threshold, a limit to how much we can take. In the eighth or ninth minute, the victim mindset did kick in: why is nobody speaking in my support? Am I saying something wrong? It makes you question things. If the director and actor had taken a firm stand, it wouldn’t have escalated the way it did. I did speak to them later and they regretted not speaking up. I’m not someone who carries a grudge. But I think it’s a lesson. Sometimes, it’s better not to expect anything from anybody.
■ Why did you speak out?
We’ve grown up hearing such comments and it has become normalised in society. In our homes, in our workplaces... Just because we are in this industry does not give anybody the right to comment on anything and everything. This must change because it affects the recipient’s mental health, self-esteem, and self-identity. I wanted to create awareness that this can’t go on casually.
■ Have you faced this kind of casual misogyny in the film industry?It’s not just in this industry. In school, I was shamed because I wore a ponytail. Teachers casually said things like, “Oh, you’re trying to seduce the boys.” It leaves you feeling terrible because you’re not doing anything wrong. At 13 or 14, you just want to dress up and look good, but they put these ideas in your head. If you’re always scared of being judged, where is the space to be yourself? Once I entered the industry, I was body-shamed by directors and producers. If a director says you need to look a certain way for a role, that’s fair, and as actors we work hard. But something like your face shape can’t be changed. I have a round face. Asking me to lose the roundness is impossible. It takes a lot of courage to be in this industry where you’re always judged for how you look or what you’re wearing. My reaction that day was a build-up of facing this for many years.
■ It all becomes tiring sometimes, right?It is definitely tiring. Everywhere you go, you’re commented on, made fun of, judged. In my case, the question was asked on such a public forum with so many cameras, and still he felt entitled enough to put me down. That’s why I said, ‘This is not okay.’ But having to retaliate to each and everything would take up so much of my time – time that I should spend focusing on my work.
■ Do you think women in the industry get blacklisted for being too vocal?
Yes, I think so. (Singer and voice artist) Chinmayi Sripada, who’s my friend, is an example. She has been blacklisted from the industry only because she spoke up about MeToo. Another example: after the case in Kerala involving the AMMA Associ-ation, the actress was kicked out, but the perpetrator stayed, at least at that time. (Actor) Parvathy Thiruvothu is another example. She speaks openly about issues, and I’ve heard that some filmmakers have labelled her “problematic”.
■ Are you worried about consequences too?If you come in with the attitude of, “Oh, she’s too problematic,” or “She’s a drama queen,” or “She’s too feminist”, then I feel like I’ve done myself a favour. These are people I wouldn’t want to work with anyway.
■ Would a male actor ever face these things?
Whether in South or the rest of India, there isn’t a conventional standard set for men. Of course, there’s the six-pack and the very fit look. But even then, many successful and older actors look just the way they are, and no one questions them. Having said that, my colleague Pradeep Ranganathan, during promotions for his movie ‘Dude’, was told he doesn’t conventionally look like a hero. So, I wouldn’t say only women go through this, but women face it far more. This, however, is not about man-woman. People should stop judging others for their appearances. We are public personalities, but we are not public property.
■ How do you feel when women are mocked for taking everything seriously and such questions are dismissed as “just for fun”?Oh, they call it light-hearted. In my case, they even said maybe I didn’t understand the question because I’m from Kerala, but I was brought up in Chennai and I speak fluent Tamil. When you don’t have valid points, you say things like, ‘You didn’t understand because you’re not from here.’ This is gaslighting. At one point, the vlogger even said, “The question was not to you, why are you reacting? Just calm down.” It was so patronising. In fact, I even asked him, ‘Would you ask the hero this question? You’re asking the hero about my weight and you’re angry that I am responding.’

You haven’t asked me anything about my work, my preparation, my character, the challenges, nothing. You only asked about my weight, and that too to someone else, while I am sitting right there.’ He then said something like, “We can’t ask you (questions) about Donald Trump and Modi and politics, right? We can only ask you these kinds of things.” And I was like, what do you mean? I might know more than you. They assume women don’t read current affairs, that we’re just arm candy meant to look pretty.