Meghana Raj on her pregnancy and husband Chiranjeevi Sarja

Meghana Raj Sarja is due to welcome her first child any day now. Like any expectant mother, she is thrilled at the prospect and is glowing, but this happy prospect is overshadowed by the fact that her husband, Chiranjeevi Sarja, will not be by her side when their little one arrives. In her first interview since Chiru’s passing, Meghana opens up about the plans they had for their child, the baby showers her friends and family threw for her and the love she has received from fans.

I didn't want any celebration, but it all just fell into place. Chiru wanted a grand ceremony and had even suggested a venue, while I preferred it to be at home. He didn't like the idea, so I came up with a venue suggestion. Eventually, I ended up having three showers, each at a venue we had discussed. The traditional seemantha was at home. Dhruva (Sarja) arranged a fairy tale event at the hotel I'd suggested and even recreated moments from our wedding reception. My friends took it to a whole different level. The life-size cutout of Chiru was Pannaga Bharana's idea. He placed it there and when I walked in, I was overcome by emotion.

It is still tough. I don't know how each day goes by. It has all been a blur. In fact, there are times that I think it is all a nightmare and everything will go back to normal, before June 7. It has been difficult for everyone in the family and I am just going with the flow.

Something we are very grateful to Covid-19 for is the lockdown. The whole period from March till June was the best time of our lives. I got to spend every single minute with him and around this time, we got the good news that we were expecting. Chiru wanted to be there for me every moment of the day, which would not have been possible if he was working. In that sense, the lockdown was a blessing in disguise. It changed the family dynamics and brought us all closer. Every day was a celebration and that period was beautiful.

^{The day started off like any normal Sunday. Prerana (Dhruva’s wife) and I were just outside the house along with Dhruva, when my father-in-law called us in saying Chiru had collapsed. We had never seen him like that. He'd lost consciousness and then regained it for a bit. We decided against calling an ambulance and drove him to the nearest hospital. When we reached there, the doctors took him to the emergency room and said it was a cardiac arrest. It all happened so quickly. All I remember is that in the brief moment that he had regained consciousness at home, he had told me, "Neen yenu tension togobeda, yenagolla nanige." Those were his last words to me.}

You know how elders are, right, they ask us to be careful in the first trimester and not tell everyone. Since this is our first child, we wanted to announce it in a special way in the fifth month. At the time, we had only told the family and a handful of friends. We'd planned a lot of innovative ways to tell the fans. But then, the news came out in the most unexpectedly unique way.

I always used to tell Chiru that we are stronger together. He’d respond that he would never leave me alone. Chiru would often say, 'Baby naanu phoenix bird idhange, I will rise from the ashes'. He’s made sure we remain together with the miracle that is our baby.

One thing I will say, Chiru wasn’t a star for his onscreen persona, but for the person he was. On June 8, when we were heading to the farm for his last rites, people had lined all the way from our home till the farm. They gathered in thousands and waited to get a glimpse and pay their respects to him, even in times of Covid. For the first time I felt that I should live life like him and that our child should grow up with his principles. Chiru was someone who never spoke about the good things he did. And I realised that most of the people who were there had come because of his deeds.

My family and friends have been my pillars of strength. Chiru always said that our friends, who have been a constant in his life, will never leave my side, no matter what.