When I saw success, I wanted my pound of flesh

Vidya Balan believes in writing the kahaani of her destiny. She is unabashed about demanding equal pay in the industry and calls it her “pound of flesh”. Not basking in the glory of being once called the ‘Khan of Bollywood’, Vidya says that now, she is the centre of her universe.

In a chat with Pune Times, draped in a gorgeous Paithani sari, Vidya reveals that she aspires to be like

Begum Jaan

, the character she portrays in her next. Taking her time to pause, reflect and assert; the actor talks to us about censorship in films, why she is not keen to voice her opinions on politics and why she is not affected by failures any more. Excerpts…




Begum Jaan comes across as a woman who does not adhere to rules, does not fall in line and does not do what is expected of her. Does Vidya Balan have shades of Begum Jaan…

Absolutely. She is unapologetic, fearless and she speaks her mind. Begum Jaan empowers me and I aspire to be like her. In different walks of life, there are people who inspire us and sometimes they are characters on screen. One trait of Begum Jaan I wish I can imbibe is the fact that she fears no one and nothing.


Today in cinema and even in the outside world, women have no qualms accepting their desires and owning their sexuality. But society continues to play the moral guardian. Women are still told what to do, what to wear, how to behave…

Mahesh Bhatt saab put it perfectly when he said: ‘Aasmaan hai and you can reach it, but there are lines drawn in the sky. They tell you it’s acceptable up to here and no more’. And they are not just men; they also include women, who know no better because they have been conditioned to accept that. So I definitely think that it’s not a situation which has reversed.

Reversal will take a long time. But at least so many of us now are leading our lives on our own terms. We need to look at the glass half full. And as empowered individuals, we have a responsibility towards this change. Not in changing others, but changing ourselves, because I think that is a more effective tool.





The house of Begum Jaan is a space where women have a say. Even if they are in the business of giving pleasure, you cannot take them for granted. Does it feel like some kind of a paradox when the same women are denied rights in the society?

That’s the interesting thing about the story. You don’t expect women who are trading pleasure to actually stand up for themselves or to object to the diktats of society or

bureaucracy or government. There’s a line in the film where one of the girls says, “We have far more freedom here than we have had in our families. Yes, we are sex workers now but that’s not a choice anyone makes.” Begum Jaan knows this is business and if you are going to mess around business hours, she is not going to be kind to you.

But having said that, this is a place where if a woman does not want to do a certain thing that a client demands, she will protect the girl. The girl can say ‘no’ under any and every circumstance, which again ties in with the fearlessness.


There are a lot of expletives used in the film… Whenever we talk of an artistes’ expression, and if for some reason it crosses the so-called expected boundaries of what is culturally acceptable, especially in the case of a woman, it is censored. What do you have to say about censorship in today’s films?

CBFC is the Central Board of Film Certification, so it should be a certification board and I think I am echoing the sentiments of a lot of people from my fraternity. I really think that once you certify a film by defining what age group this film is applicable for, people will decide to adhere by it. What we need to understand particularly in a democracy, if I may say so is that the more you curb freedom, the more rebellion there will be. The more you let people be, the more there will be peace and harmony.

We’ve got lucky with Begum Jaan. The CBFC gave an A with no cuts, which is unheard of. But they understood the concept that within a whorehouse, people are not going to speak like aap or hum. They were respectful of the context.



Today, women are talking about gender equality and equal pay rights in every industry. What is your opinion on equal pay rights in the Hindi film industry? Have you had to fight your way?

Not really. When I just came in I was accepting of the fact that the main hero gets paid 20 times the amount I do, or maybe more. But that’s because I thought I was new and it was fine. But as I started getting better at what I was doing and when I saw success, I wanted my pound of flesh. I began to demand it. And thankfully, I’ve never been denied it. But that’s also because I do different kinds of films where there is no real male hero. But I am aware that my female colleagues are fighting this battle and I am glad they are. As far as the fight is on, I think some day we will get our due.


In Hollywood, there are artistes like Meryl Streep, Angelina Jolie, Emma Watson, among others who voice their opinions strongly on discrimination, politics and equal rights. Why don’t we see celebrities here making their voices heard?

I don’t think we should get muddled with politics. That’s a personal opinion. When you go to the theatre to watch me, you should not think I espouse a certain ideology. Because ideology invariably ties up with a party. You have to come and see me as just one of the players in that story. I have political opinions, very strong ones, but I won’t voice them publicly.

The ideology cannot become bigger than the actor, which will tend to happen. There are enough people playing politics. But we are part of the larger social movement that’s currently work in progress. We are doing work in areas that we can. Socially, we are forcing our opinions more and more. It’s a restlessness you feel when you see something going wrong.

But having said that, if I react strongly to something that happened in some part of the country, am I assured of the fact that when my film is up for release they are not going to vandalise the theatre? It’s not just me. I will have to think of all those people who have worked hard for the film.



If you are quiet, you think it won’t happen again?

But I feel responsible for the 300-odd people who have worked hard on a project. A lot of people get their money only after their film is released. There are little things which may seem trivial but they are not. I still get away with saying a lot. But sometimes I’ve said things and I’ve been told ‘when you have a release, your producers and your team might face the backlash’. Do I fear? Yes?, I do.



There was a time when people called you the ‘Khan of Bollywood’…

I’d rather be a woman and I would only want to be Vidya Balan (laughs).

I am just a greedy actor. I am working with wonderful actors all the time. It’s just that I am not working with the so called A-lister actors. But I think for me to do a film, it has to have enough for me to do, and invariably their films don’t have that. And my films don’t have that for them. So it doesn’t work both ways.

Your last few films have not received a good response at the box office. There was a time when you took failures to heart…

I don’t see flops as failures anymore. There was a time I did. I don’t feel like a failure anymore even though my past few films successively haven’t worked. That’s maturity or maybe self-love. I am just a greedy actor. I cry about it, crib about it and I get over it. I feel blessed that I am an actor because this is all I ever wanted to do. I am living my dream. I enjoy the process to the hilt.



Most of your films are women-centric, is that a conscious decision?

No. I am at the centre of my universe and I am a woman so I tend to choose women-centric films but it’s not that I won’t do any other film. I have to believe in the subject. Therefore I deliberate a lot on my decisions. Because I give so much of my time to films, that I have to be sure that this is a story I want to tell and tell it as this person.