I'm still trying to understand myself: Irrfan

Thirty years ago, a lanky Jaipur lad used to fit air-conditioners to cool other people’s homes. But he could never cool the fire in his belly to make it big in the world of acting.

And today, he’s not onlyJaipur’s, but India’s most well-known face world over, thanks to thefilms he’s done – both Hollywood and Bollywood, apart fromcrossovers. Today, Irrfan Khan is set to share screen space with Andrew Garfield in “Spider Man”, and be directed by Ang Lee in “Life Of Pi”, which also stars Gerard Depardieu. He is invited to coveted international festivals, and can as easily talk about meeting Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman, as he can about flying kites from his rooftop in Jaipur. Irrfan lives with his wife, Sutapa and their two sons inMumbai today, when he is not shuttling between exotic locations for his films.But Jaipur remains his home. He keeps coming back, he says, to find hisbearings, and to keep that fire burning in his bellyI consider myself an actor and an actor’scontentment with life and career is the death of his artistic journey. Life istoo mystical for me to be contentwith.Jaipur beingJaipur made me take the first step towards success. And of course, Jaipur beinga small city, made me strive for big things!Well, it hasalso fallen into the same uniformity plaguing every city in India, with shoppingmalls and multiplexes. It is sad that with globalization the entire world isbecoming the same and losing their individualflavour.It reaffirms my belief that there areno shortcuts when it comes to acting and that I am glad I did not take anyshortcut.I am a human being, so yes, but over the years, I have developedthe art of learning a lesson from every failure, rather than regret what hashappened and feel sad. From an actor’s point of view, every experience isworth having and should be analysed objectively, to be stored in one of yourmemory chambers as an ingredient to be used to gauge my futureperformances.

Winter nights... summer evenings. The chaat of LMB,the mitti ki khushboo after rains. I can never feel at home on any other soil.I believe we are all part of a design but we choose to beproductive or unproductive.I am never in a hurry toprove myself.It depends on where India is after tenyears. There is nothing like best in my dictionary for anything. Howcan we use best for human beings? How can we even compare people? Everyone isspecial in their own way.Well! If I wouldn’t be doing that, the film wouldn’thave made any sense to me. I am still trying tounderstand Irrfan Khan and the search to know him continues within me... So muchso that this search is sometimes bigger than my need to act.