Desi chat gets up close and personal

MUMBAI: Eons ago, the Indian middle class imported a stiff upper lip, along with Victorian morality. Somewhere along the years, the morality was bent out of shape, but the stiffness of the upper lip remained.
We began to do as we pleased, but talking about it was still taboo. It wasn’t that the middle classes didn’t have animated discussions. They did, but the topics remained safe—politics, cricket, films.We never discussed ourselves and our personal problems.
But if today’s television talk shows are any indication, our upper lip is loosening up. Now, our conservative middle classes are ready to come out, on air, and talk about their innermost fears and problems before an audience of millions.
Obviously, the dropping of classic Indian reservations has had a lot to do with the opening up of the skies. After years of watching Oprah Winfrey applying balm to troubled souls in the US, we felt the itch for similar relief too. “I guess that’s because our urban society is going the same way as the US,’’ says Neena Gupta, whose talk show, Manthan, trod on pretty liberal territory.
“There are lots of people in big cities who don’t have anyone to talk to in their personal lives. Husbands and wives don’t have time for each other. Parents and children rarely get a chance to have a long chat. So, they accept the outlet that television offers for venting their fears and feelings.’’
The topics of discussion have been getting more and more personal—dealing with impotence, homosexuality, cut-throat sibling rivalry, incest, the obsession of the Indian male about marrying a virgin.. Today, even Doordarshan has joined in, with Talaq Kyun?, a show which talks about intimate problems between husband and wife.
Do the people who come on shows open up completely on these once taboo topics? “For the first ten minutes, they need drawing out, but once they open up, they forget that the camera is on,’’ replies Kiron Kher, host of shows like Purushkshetra (dealing with male issues) and Kiron Kher Today (a la The Oprah Winfrey Show). “I remember a young housewife from a small town came on my show once and talked openly about her married sex life. Her problem was the disinterest of her husband. She talked at length about how she made the first moves, how he rejected her and how bad she felt about it.’’
Kher also attributes the change in the attitude of talk show guests to the change in stance of their hosts. “The cues have to come from the hosts. If the host in unembarrassed, so is the guest,’’ she says.
Naturally, openness brings with it both advantages and disadvantages, the most obvious advantage being that it leads to a more honest and less hypocritical society. Says pioneering talk show host Ruby Bhatia, “Those prone to crime are worse off in an open, demonstrative society, where their crimes are likely to be brought to light and discussed openly. “Why should people suffer quietly, very often at the hands of their own families? Acknowledging and talking about one’s problems is more important than keeping one’s sham family dignity intact.’’
Adds Gupta, “And then there’s always the chance that if they come and talk to you in a TV studio, they will go back home and talk as forcefully too—which might solve a little of their problems.’’ The disadvantage of lowering one’s reserve, however, has often shown up in the West in the form of programmes like The Jerry Springer Show. These are shows where the darkest emotions sweep the screen and an entire society is disembowelled in public.
Surely there is more sensationalism than honesty in discussing personal sexual fetishes on air? “Whether our newfound openness degenerates to sensationalism or not, will depend on our society, not our television,’’ replies Gupta. “Television only reflects society. If our society moves in Jerry Springer’s direction, so will television. Hopefully it will draw the line at Oprah Winfrey’s.’’