#BigInterview! Anu Aggarwal: There are reasons why I didn't want to act in Bollywood, maybe it was because I did not like the objectification of women

After becoming an overnight sensation with her debut film, 'Aashiqui' opposite Rahul Roy, Anu Aggarwal was touted to be the next thing in Bollywood till she suddenly disappeared from the public eye. When she returned, she is just not a name but a living example of self-discovery. The actress who lives a yogic lifestyle has been away from the glam world for almost 23 years now, in an exclusive conversation revealed what kept her away from signing films despite tasting success with her debut film, how is she keeping herself busy these days, managing life post her car-accident and much more.Excerpts:

You follow a yogic lifestyle. Has it helped to cope with the chaos during the lockdown?
Being in the city after being out for nearly two decades is difficult. I was living in complete silence and had adopted a yogic lifestyle, so adjusting back to the city was a little difficult. But with the lockdown, the positive thing is I can listen to birds and I am working from home, which I have been doing for quite a long time. So, it is a nice feeling to be in this quiet environment. It is more like the life I led for the last couple of decades. I think I wanted to say a lot about it as it is a very crucial wake-up time for humanity in general. So it's an amazing time and also a very creative point for me. I have started a new book. I wake up early in the morning around 4:30-5:00 am, then do some yoga, meditation, pranayam. I practice gratitude every day when I wake up, sending out thanks for being alive and hoping that everybody else is fine too. Post that, I have timings for breakfast, lunch, and tea. Again in the evening, I have a whole set of practices that I do. Apart from that, I run a foundation for which I have to do a lot of work single-handedly. I became a model and then an actress but I have a Masters in social work. There are a lot of things that I am doing that are new but that's me--unusual (laughs). I know I have to take the risk to do the things which I have not really done before.
You amassed popularity right from your debut film 'Aashiqui', and followed it up with 'Khalnayika' which fetched you a Filmfare nomination, and even a film that opened at the Cannes film festival. Why did you suddenly quit?
The film that opened at the Cannes film festival in 1995 was a 1994 release. In 1993 I had stopped signing films. I had a mind of doing the right things. Most of the time, I don't rely on my mind; I think from my heart, so, I had stopped signing films and instead rejected the offers that came my way. When I got nominated for 'Khalnayika' in 1993 the headline of a newspaper article read, 'Anu makes it on her own terms'. It was also around this time that I had done my last cover story with a magazine, which highlighted the fact that I love women and my first love is a woman--my mother. In 1992 itself, I had started to feel that I wanted something more. I didn't know what it was but I always wanted something more. But to do it I had to go out of showbiz for a while, without really knowing how to go about it. Nobody believed me when I told them about my decision; they wondered if I had gone mad to so much so as suggest quitting as I had got on a platter something that people only dream of. Cannes was a wonderful experience and that's when I thought that I should expand a little more and evolve. It might sound funny but that is what I am; I always thought of evolving. Many people opposed me but I took a break.
Life has not been easy for you especially after the car accident. How did you deal with so much adversity?
With the car accident, I was shocked. I saw people around me crying in despair. But now, over time, I feel that the accident was a blessing. I think out of the chaos and adversities, beauty arises, and you understand what positivity is. So when there is negativity, you understand positivity. This is the opposite law of nature. So, all in all, it was great; the blessing of the accident cured a lot of stuff in my life.
Do you miss being in front of the camera?
I think we are all acting all the time; we are all actors and always in front of the camera. Every person plays many different roles in their lives. But again, professionally, being in front of the camera is something else. I don't know if I really miss it or not. But, as I say in my book, the camera is my first lover because I am so free in front of it! I can't be that free in front of anybody else.
If given a chance would you delete any chapter from your life?
I am not going to delete any chapter from my life because I understand the beauty of the present moment and that every chapter in one's life is perfect as it is in the time it happened. Each chapter in my life--no matter how hard--has been a teacher. I have learned so much from them. Hence gratitude is what I feel and not a rejection for any chapter.
Among the few characters that you essayed in films, which was your favourite?
My character from 'Aashiqui' was so much like me personally. One of the things that Mahesh Bhatt told me when signing me on for 'Aashiqui' was that it was inspired by me. However, at the time I wondered what he knew of my life and from where. Perhaps it was from one of the interviews that I was giving out to magazines as a model. Coming back to my character, I feel I still have the simplicity and innocence of the girl in me. I don't think that has changed. I see my grandmother who is 86 and yet so innocent about certain things. So, I think that innocence never dies. Every character I got, I went so deeply into it that I started loving it, and it became my favourite. All the characters that I have played are my favourite.
Please share some memories associated with your debut film...
There was a scene where Rahul calls Anu and says 'Main bahut bada star ban gaya hun, main tumhare ghar aa raha hun (I have become a huge star and now I am coming to your house)'. When he finally comes to Anu's place, she is lighting up a candle. While doing the scene, I was holding a match-stick and lighting the candle and as soon as he entered the house, I looked at him. I remember I was so taken by the emotion that I literally burnt my finger; I had forgotten that I had a burning match-stick in my hand!
'Aashiqui' is such a cult movie that it was spun into a franchise. Have you watched 'Aashiqui 2'?
'Aashiqui 2' released during the time when I was not really watching any movies but I did know about it. I was like 'Wow, now there will be Aashiqui 2!', but I had thought it was a sequel to the previous one, but I was told that's not the case and that they have just used the same title but the film was completely different. That was a bit disappointing. However, 'Aashiqui' itself was a very popular film.
In an earlier interview you said that acting was never your dream and you always dreamt of being a social worker...
I have a very strong background in social work as I had done a lot of projects on refugees, women empowerment. I worked with Pakistani NGOs and also did several other work, that will surely come out in my next book. As far as acting is concerned, I have been acting since I was an 11-year-old. There are reasons why I didn't want to act in Bollywood, maybe it was because I did not like objectification of women. I mean women are human beings too and need to be treated with the same understanding and respect. Women were kind of objectified in Hindi movies, especially in the late 80s; it was thoroughly demeaning. That was the thing, I wasn't looking forward to acting and I am clarifying it now. It's not that I didn't want to act or something; I am an actor, I love acting and I am a trained, born actor but along with that, I am also a qualified social worker.
You say you owe your life to yoga...
Yoga owns my life and today I am alive because of it. It has started my healing process. Yoga is a lifestyle; it is not certain postures or breathing practices and asanas. It is something that will live 24/7 with you. That's the correct and fruitful way of doing yoga.
Any piece of advice for the younger lot of actors in Bollywood?
I am so glad to see the younger generation today because I can see that a lot of things that I had to fight for, they have today. But at the same time, I feel that each actor should do what they think is right, what appeals to them and makes them feel perfect inside. One should not worry about what other people are thinking or saying because they really are the masters of their own reality. One is way bigger than a hit or a flop. Stay in balance.