Kabhi Khushi, Kabhie Kleenex

arm yourself before you enter the auditorium showing the year-end's magnum weepie. it's a tear-jerker to beat all tear-jerkers. and it's the men who are crying all over their shirt-fronts. at a private screening earlier this week, it was the turn of the ladies in the preview theatre to pass on their perfumed 'kerchiefs as husbands, boyfriends, brothers and sons broke down unselfconsciously and let the tears flow.how come?? well, maybe k3g is strictly a guy film. and the new age man is confident enough to wear his emotions on his sleeve. no more suppression, seems to be the current naara. adam's apples were visibly bobbing at the screening even as a few members of the women-who-weep brigade sniffled softly into their chiffon dupattas, and dabbed their eyes carefully. most had been pre-warned about the rona-dhona in store for them, and ensured they'd used water-proof mascara that night. despite that, the 'panda effect' (smudged eye-make-up) was much in evidence as invitees trooped out after the show, like they were mourners leaving a favourite uncle's funeral. so... what is it about k3g that has audiences howling? is it the soppy theme (it's all about loving your parents)? or is it something far more primal, far more in there, about fathers and sons getting the equation right? the mushy tone gets established at the beginning of the film itself as audiences gear up for the three hours-plus weepathon ahead. there's the father-son angle. and then there's the heavy-duty patriotism. from the gayatri mantra to (hold your breath), jana gana mana (sung by well-scrubbed brit kids at a snotty english school, no less), karan johar has the 'mera bharat mahaan' theme neatly wrapped up. vande mataram is followed by vedic chanting, while the tricolour in soft forms appears as a beautiful blur in various guises (including hrithik's bodyline t-shirt). my country, for a song, receives a literal interpretation here, as the principal characters keep pledging their love and loyalty to mere desh ki kharti. all this makes for a splendid 'saare jahaan se achcha' situation, and one anticipates at least a few soulful bars of ae mera watan ke logon. meanwhile, members of the incredibly rich raichand parivar (rockefellers meet the hindujas), bite their lips and wait anxiously for papa raichand (amitabh bachchan) to shake himself out of his 15th century, feudalistic stupor and accept a spitfire from chandni chowk (kajol) as his bahu. the real love story, however, is between the men, who embrace and kiss at assorted scenic locations in and around london. they also cry a great deal -- drenching their exquisite abu-sandeep kurtas in the bargain. it's okay. real men do cry these days. it's the boys who don't. if k3g manages to crack the stubborn box-office, it will do so because of the powerful baap-beta drama. it is something so visceral, so basic, so universal, that every pitaji and every putar will identify with the conflicts and clashes that form the centrepiece of karan johar's magnum opus. considering the generous sprinkling of punjabi dialogues through the film, don't be surprised if it becomes a trend. bollywood, after all, is as punjabi as sarson-da-saag. or dharmendra. performances-wise, my vote goes to young kaavesh, who plays 'laddoo' in the film. i half-suspect karan johar has based the character on himself (as a precocious, overweight pre-teen). johar, the director, is really at his best in all the kiddie scenes. urban teens, of course, are going to love the whatevers uttered by kareina kapoor (doing her version of alicia silverstone in clueless). is k3g emotionally satisfying?? definitely. it's all about loving your lachrymals.