They all want my life: Charlie Sheen

Hollywood bad boy, Charlie Sheen talks about sex, drugs and his television show.
Piers Morgan: You are right now – the highest-paid star on television in America. The number one. Your show has been ripping up the ratings. There is no sensible reason why it has been suspended, maybe canceled.
Charlie Sheen: Sure.
Morgan: It’s all about your private life. There are two schools of thought.People say you should behave better.
Sheen: Well, I mean, I can sort of understand why they felt like they had to intervene when they did. Things had been a little sideways, I’ll admit that. Yes, I was burning it at both ends. And I’m not going to say it wasn’t epic and I wasn’t having a ball, and all those around weren’t completely enjoying the show. And yes, we were on a rocket ship to the moon some nights, but, if you do the crime, you’ve got to do the time.
Morgan: If you were a producer, how would you have reacted to the star of your number one family comedy, which is watched by families and liked by families, behaving off-screen in a manner that you’ve been behaving in recently?
Sheen: Well, I mean I’d first look at the writing. I’d look at a lot of stuff that they were already getting away with, because if anything, that’s the first shot across the bow at the family aspect of it. And I mean, there’s always, you know, a pee-pee or a butt – a pooh-pooh joke, and I’m being kind right now – in ways that they make you see things or feel imagery that is – that’s just juvenile and gross. I think it eclipses some of the stuff I’m doing out there on my most epic nights.
Morgan: And of course the irony is that your character in “Two and a Half Men” is not exactly a saint.
Sheen: He’s not. I think that they, in some way, think that they have some magic literary influence over me by perhaps writing things and then going, ‘Oh, my god, look how powerful we are, now he’s doing it.’ No, morons, the reason the show was created was because of the lifestyle I had and you guys based it on that. You know it’s like I gave you so much of your fodder already. They say it’s OK to smoke cigars, just not cigarettes. OK? It’s OK to drink tons of vodka if you want, but don’t go near cocaine because God forbid–
Morgan: But the premise of the producers’ argument with you is that you’re in denial about this. But if you do follow their programs – they can work. And people would be watching this, saying, it worked for me.
Sheen: Then I can have a life like theirs? I’m going to pass.
Morgan: Really? Why?
Sheen: Why? Because I’m a winner and their lives look like they’re ruled by losers. Just to put it in black and white. I don’t want their lives, and they want mine, but they want to criticize the hell out of it. You know?
Morgan: Charlie, tell me about the women in your life. To put it mildly, your life is unconventional.
Sheen: Pretty good word for it. I think it’s just straight-out bitching. Well, there’s the Natty (ph) and then there’s the Rach (ph). These are the goddesses as I –
Morgan: And what function do those goddesses perform?
Sheen: Gosh, they – it’s – I mean, name it. Name it.
Morgan: You have two girlfriends, basically?
Sheen: I do, yeah. And it’s what David Moore (ph) described as the wedge.
Morgan: What’s the wedge?
Sheen: The wedge is a football term. It’s a formation that controls the guy carrying the ball.
Morgan: The infamous bender that we read about a few weeks ago, what did you, consume in that bender? What was the Charlie Sheen bender like? The one where you had five women coming to your house at 4:00 in the afternoon.
Sheen: I don’t think there were five. At least there weren’t five doing that thing. The reason it went bad is because I don’t do pills. I don’t take opiates. I don’t do benzos. I don’t do any of that stuff, psychotropic nonsense. Well, I hadn’t done any for a while, like seven hours, but I had this hernia thing that was popping out. It might have caught a piece of the bowel, sounds gross, but that’s how a doctor described it. And the pain was as though someone was driving a hot saber through my gut. So I maybe hit the vodka a little hard to reduce the pain. And then I guess somebody decided to call 911. And actually, they took care of that thing perfectly. It was the other voices that we hear on the tapes. Kind of got things confused.
Morgan: What about your fellow cast members? Have you talked to any of them about what has happened?
Sheen: I have not, because I don’t feel like there’s any real support there. No one has issued a statement. I got a couple angry texts. I ignore that. I’m out here doing this for all of us, guys. I’m not here trying to embarrass you or ruin your jobs.
Morgan: Do they feel you’ve let them down?
Sheen: It would have been nice if there was some measure of support from anybody at this point. That’s all right. Every great movement begins with one man – I guess that’s me.
(Excerpts from an interview given to CNN International’s “Piers Morgan Tonight”)
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