Anthony Hopkins reveals the night that changed his life: ‘I could have killed someone’

Sometimes, life-changing decisions come unplanned — and for Sir Anthony Hopkins, that moment arrived nearly five decades ago: the choice to quit alcohol. It came from a single, haunting question that echoed within him one night: “Do you want to live or do you want to die?” Academy Award winner Anthony Hopkins, 87, reflects on years of alcohol abuse and his road to sobriety in his new memoir, We Did OK, Kid. In his memoir, Hopkins talks about his years of heavy drinking and the wake-up call that transformed his life. He was 37 when his doctor warned him that his body was deteriorating faster than it should. Though he was in his late thirties, his physical condition was that of a man aged between 50 and 65.“You have the beginnings of liver problems. Could turn into cirrhosis. Also inflammation of the pancreas, and your lungs are becoming congested. I strongly advise you to stop smoking immediately. Smoking is deadlier than alcohol. It causes stasis in the arteries and veins. Alcohol in excess is also a killer. I don’t need to tell you that. You already know. So, my friend, it’s up to you,” his doctor told him.At the time, Anthony Hopkins was unaware that he was an alcoholic. “My memories of that time are foggy. During my drinking years, I had caused a lot of pain. I never had any idea that I was an alcoholic,” Hopkins wrote in the book. “Rarely does a heavy drinker wake up to that without an intervention of some kind, and even then it takes a while to sink in. Denial is the greatest killer. And I was still in the grip of my addiction, though it was getting harder to deny it,” he added.By the time he moved to the West Coast, Hopkins had hit rock bottom. “Booze is fine if you can keep it in check; I believe it can help you through certain awkward situations, be part of a joyful life. But there’s a cost. The fun of drinking is a scorpion — its tail is lethal,” the actor warned.But the life-changing decision came later. One Saturday, he drove from Arizona to Beverly Hills, blackout drunk, without remembering a thing. This dangerous episode was a wake-up call. He knew the time was up. “I’d driven that car all night from Arizona without knowing what I was doing. I could have killed someone. I could have taken out a whole family. I found out what I’d done when I went to my agent and said, ‘Someone’s stolen my car!’ and my agent said, ‘Nobody stole it. We found you on the road. You would be in jail right now if we hadn’t,’” the Hannibal actor recalled.It was now or never. “As I sobered up, I looked up at the eucalyptus trees and thanked God no one had died that night. I imagined my parents back in Wales hearing that I’d killed someone or myself. I saw their hopes smashed,” the actor added. Then came the haunting question: “I heard a voice ask me, Do you want to live or do you want to die? I want to live, a voice answered from somewhere deep inside me. Then I heard the voice say, It’s all over now. You can start living. The craving to drink left me. That was eleven o’clock on 29 December 1975.”Hopkins will be celebrating 50 years of sobriety next month.