Is love a victim when the partner is a celeb?

Jisshu Sengupta can never forget his wedding day. No, it isn’t just for the obvious reason of getting the social sanction to marry his then-girlfriend, Nilanjanaa Sharma. On the morning of his wedding, a fangirl from Ganguly Bagan had ended up on his doorstep along with her mother with a bizarre request. She had wanted Jisshu to ditch Nilanjanaa and get married to her instead! Thankfully, Jisshu’s mother had salvaged the situation and “very sweetly” spoke to them, offered them “sweets and tea” and sent them packing.
That was on October 30, 2004. Seventeen years since, the couple still hasn’t forgotten that incident. Thankfully, there hasn’t been any repetition of such offers in their 17 years of wedded bliss. But Nilanjanaa admits that it can be challenging to love and live with a celebrity who enjoys a fair share of female adulation. Letters written in blood, indecent proposals and overenthusiastic gossip mongers churning out rumours that can make the most stable person insecure are a few of the many bouncers that celebrity partners have to negotiate round the clock.

SHOCKED INITIALLY
Clicking selfies or wanting autographs come with the territory. But problem crops up when some want to get dangerously close. That’s more so for those not from a filmi background. The rational sensibilities insist that female adulation is part and parcel of a star’s life.
However, the possessive instinct expects a show of restraint. Mohua Chatterjee understood this dilemma when she tied the knot with actor Saswata Chatterjee 20 years back after six months of courtship. “Initially, I would be shocked. My father was the assistant general manager of a nationalised bank. Nobody ever did such things there.” Even Nilanjanaa, whose mother is yesteryear actress Anjana Bhowmick, would get hassled in her early days of matrimony. “I too have been insecure about Jisshu. But that was 14 years ago! We both were younger and lacked maturity. Jisshu is a good-looking man and is getting better with age. So, the adulation is on the rise! Our elder daughter, Sara, is very cool about it! She kind of enjoys the attention Jisshu gets. And Zara is plain happy that her papa is famous!” Nilanjanaa explains.
NO HOLDS BARRED ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Awkward comments on social media are an added headache. Despite being objective, reading awkwardly descriptive messages can’t be fun. Once Mohua received a phone call where there was “sound of heavy breathing” on the other side. Those calls have now been replaced by revealing photos sent on messengers. “These bold messages accompanied by revealing photos on social media usually come from 30-something homemakers,” Mohua adds.
Crank calls were regular when Jisshu used to act in Mahaprabhu Sree Chaitanya. For hours on end, girls would wait outside his house. “Back then, my father used to handle all these calls. I have even seen the phone ringing continuously for 24 hours at a stretch,” remembers Jisshu, adding how he had got letters written in blood on the day his wedding was announced.
The craziness wasn’t there once Jisshu quit doing serials. “People now know what kind of a person I am. I do get some odd messages once in a while. Social media has actually ruined it all. People are more vocal on social media than writing letters. But, I am hardly active there. I like my privacy,” Jisshu adds.
WIFE UNDER ATTACK

The aggressive female fans, however, have problems accepting the spouse. Once a mother had called up Saswata’s residence and even scolded Mohua. “She had scolded me on her daughter’s behalf saying: ‘Apnake toh amra mene niyechhi. Tao keno apni oke katha bolte deben na? (We have accepted you. Why aren’t you still letting her talk to him?)’,” Mohua remembers. Once a frustrated lady sent a message on Saswata’s Facebook page alleging: “Amar biyeta toh tumi bhengei phelle. Ebar Mohua ke niye tumi sukhe thaako (You have broken my marriage. Now stay happy with Mohua)”.
FRIENDS IN NEED
Sometimes, the situations can get very tricky if there is an intrusive co-actress trying to be too pally. “I remember an incident at a party where I saw a co-actress signaling Apu to go out. But Apu simply shouted out saying ‘ki bolchhis bhalo kore bol! (Properly spell out what you are saying!)’ I have seen two intrusive co-actresses too. One had even told me: ‘I am very possessive about your husband and you being an educated woman would understand’. My reply was: ‘Oh tai? Achha, thik achhe (Is it so? Well, that’s OK)’,” she recalls.

Nilanjanaa remembers how some actresses had called her during the initial days of their dating to kind of “ward” her off and tell her that Jisshu wasn’t really serious about her. “He continues to work with them and Jisshu and I laugh about it.” At another party, a young actress had literally confronted Nilanjanaa asking why she had tagged along. “This heroine came up to me at a party and said had I not been around, she would have been able to openly flirt with Jisshu! I looked at her and said: ‘Ísn’t it natural for me to come since I am his legally wedded wife?’ Sensing trouble Tonyda (Aniruddha Roy Chowdhury) had pulled me aside,” Nilanjanaa remembers.
WHEN HUBBY GETS HOT ON THE REEL BED
Handling female attention is one thing but watching the partner get intimate on screen is quite another. When Saswata got married, he had maintained that his first priority will always be work. “I have seen how intimate scenes are enacted. Initially, all this would upset me. Not anymore. Apu had a weird thing. In some romantic scenes, he would insert some gestures from our personal lives. I would get furious with him,” Mohua says. What helps is that the co-actresses whom Saswata has kissed on screen are all good friends of Mohua. “Bidipta — with whom Apu had such scenes in Abar Aranye — is a good friend. Raima is a crazy person. I love her for that. June — with whom he did Teen Yaari Katha — is a very, very dear friend too. So I don’t get upset when he is doing such scenes with them. What he is doing off-camera is my concern,” she adds. In fact, Mohua is Saswata’s harshest critic when it comes to judging his performances in intimate scenes. “I tell him that he is very conscious. I have even told him that he is a bad kisser on screen and does a much better job in real life,” Mohua admits, breaking into a peal of laughter.

Jisshu admits that he used to feel awkward smooching on screen. In Shob Charitro Kalponik, Jisshu had kissed Bipasha Basu on her forehead instead of being more intimate. “Rituda had given me a mouthful. When I had a smooching and lovemaking scene with Sushmita Sen in Nirbaak, Srijit (Mukherji) and Nilanjanaa sat me down from midnight till 3 in the morning and explained. I remember Nilanjanaa saying: ‘You are an actor. How can you not do smooching scenes?’ Stumped, I had said: ‘You are my wife and you can’t talk this way’. She insisted that I do those scenes. I still get butterflies in my stomach before shooting such scenes and start cracking jokes just to deal with my tension,” Jisshu says. However, the Senguptas don’t have problems sitting together and watching Jisshu’s intimate scenes.
ZERO TOLERANCE FOR INFIDELITY
This objectivity comes with years and experience. It is all about a good understanding and knowing where to draw the line, says Dev. “If Rukmini starts regularly entertaining calls at midnight, there will be a question mark. Partners have to understand what can be said so that the career is not hampered. In a competitive world, it is important that you are helping the partner rather than controlling or restraining him,” he says. What about acting with an ex? Doesn’t that lead to insecurities? “In my case, it happened only during Dhumketu. Rukmini was the first to say that I should do the role since Subhashree was fitting the character. Rukmini even took a sari for Subhashree during the mahurat. But she took nothing along for me! Almost every night after we finished shooting in Nainital, Rukmini and Subhashree used to go out for dinners,” he recalls.
At the end of the day, homefront has to be sorted if one has to remain successful. “It is not about the gender. Insecurities can crop up if a man has a celebrity partner. It is important to know what you want in life. Today, everybody wants his or her space. Everything gets sorted if there is trust,” says Dev.

Today, Mohua is a lot more confident about handling such awkward situations. Her standard reply to the landline calls is that she will pass on the message since Saswata isn’t at home. “Some are rude and when I answer his calls, they ask me why they should talk to me and not Apu. Then I give a firm reply in return and insist that he is busy and not around and hence, they have to talk to me. There are those who address me as ‘boudi’ and talk to me nicely. I tell them that Saswata isn’t around and I will pass on their messages to him,” Mohua shares. “I believe, one of the reasons Apu doesn’t use a mobile is that he wants to avoid such intrusive comments when he is working. Today, my daughter gets upset when she hears awkward comments. But they don’t affect me. If I see some woman hitting on him, I know he is going to give a rough reply while I sit back and enjoy with my girl gang,” Mohua explains.
If there is anything that makes Nilanjanaa remotely insecure, she talks about it with Jisshu. “He ensures that I don’t feel that way. There will always be attraction and temptation but what you do about it is important. Jisshu knows that I have zero tolerance for infidelity,” Nilanjanaa says.
Celebs often suffer from a sense of entitlement since they get used to certain privileged treatments. One cannot expect the same at home. One has to be realistic and down to earth to combat insecurity, that’s what all these celebs believe to the core.