Hunting beauty

Ladies, clamp down. Hold firm that arm by your side because, horror of horrors, they're holding a mirror to your armpits. Can anything be as gross? We first read about it in a blog on a British newspaper site when a cosmetics biggie, an early goddess, took off on this unfathomable "how good you look depends on your underarms" line of thought. The company used a survey to say an extraordinarily high 77% of women "feel sexier when their underarms look good". Right, we believe you.
As the blogger-journalist who wrote about it spat out in easy satire, checking her underarms is one of the key things she does before leaving home along with checking her teeth and hair. Feel better about yourselves, girls, go ahead. By the way, underarms are just the less-yuk term for armpits. Right?
There really should be a UN-type moratorium on these cosmetics companies. They haven't left any part of the body alone, have they? If the obsession with hair, face and skin wasn't bad enough, about 10 years ago they attacked our heels; cracked heels became the new sin. Sigh, you can curl your toes but you can't curl your heels, can you?
They bought over the entire 'ladies' shoes' industry and there were years on end where all you could buy in shoe shops were glittering little nothings tremulously strung together on spaghetti straps - and they called them shoes. These were meant for women with The Feet. And for those who literally have personal foot soldiers. There seemed to be nothing for women whose feet touched ground rather frequently and stayed firmly there too.
Many have aged simply fighting the onslaught of 'freeze young' hype. In the blitzkrieg from the beauty industry (know why it's called the beauty industry? 'Cuz it takes a lot of industry to beautify oneself), 'cracked heels are uncool' was one cruel swipe. We weren't even done dealing with patchwork skin when now we were expected to peer down at our heels and also make sure we didn't wear black so the dandruff wouldn't show (ok, advertiser, i remember your shampoo ad the wrong way around).
Now we've graduated from cracked heels to raising arms over the head, and the models pose like they're smelling flowers in that little region that's home to a set of axillary lymph nodes. Ladies, just look out for any lumps there.
The only valid reason to check underarms is to look out for signs of breast cancer. But this is no corporate social responsibility activity that they will say raise your arms and check for lumps. They're saying use our little chemical cocktail and you will feel so much better about yourself. Right?
So underarms aren't the best thing visually. That's why they're kept under your arms, no? Nature knew better than to have underarm visual detailing on the shoulder. Underarms are meant neither for public display nor to inspire any internal sense of satisfaction. When you meditate, do your underarms feel a sense of peace? Or when you shop till you drop, do your underarms tingle in delight? Ah, well.
And imagine if you spend a mini fortune - come on, that money could buy a group of street kids some ice-cream - on giving your underarms The Treatment, you'll also have to keep devising reasons to make the point that your underarms are worth insurance. I'm slightly baffled on the ways one can flash a good-looking armpit. It's ridiculous. Ladies, stand your ground, hold that arm down. These cosmetics giants, alas, are showing their age and sniffing around in sheer desperation.