Dog dogged

Grr-rrr-ow-bow-wow-grr. Pause. Grr-rrr-ow-bow-wow-wooo-oooo-howow-ow. I guess the dog is determined to not let me sleep. I open my window. You have a problem, doggie? Ow-ow, says doggie, tapping a paw on the day's TOI. It seems he doesn't like the anchor. The story is headlined MC to take a shot at canine curbs. What, they're going to shoot you mongrels, haan?Waaa-hoo-ow, says doggie.Listen, I say, you have a trace of bulldog, don't you, so why can't you switch to English for a while? Doggie says all right and I run an eye over the report. Hmmm, I see, I say, it is going to be hard on you boys. Now they're going to shoot you in the testicles, tsktsk, poor dog. But hey, it is only some kind of dog-friendly sterilising injection. What's so dog-friendly about being chased through the streets, pinned down and having one's balls crushed in dark hairy hands and shot, doggie says angrily. Well, he has a point... No-no, you're painting an unduly dark picture, I protest. Haven't you seen the kind of ruffians the MC puts on pounding cattle and the like? Can they be trusted to deal gently with our-our-our things? doggie pleads turning red. Will it be okay if we put more responsible people on the job, I ask him. Like who, says doggie. The cops, I suggest. Doggie gives me a dirty look. Idiot (he doesn't say this), next thing we'll hear is dogs being killed in encounters. Besides, if one of us is ever caught, the cops will take out ball and gall alike... I chide him, Okay, we'll put women on the job, fine? Half of them will be too embarrassed, the other half too tickled to our own embarrassment, says doggie. Anyway, I say, We'll get feminists. Ha-ha, they aren't embarrassed at anything. Besides, I'm sure they will forgo the Rs 25 per dog chasing charge for the pleasure. Ha-ha-ha-ha... Doggie doesn't like my joke and he is quaking all over. What's the matter with you, I say. Please, please, no feminists, please.We'll be happy with the MC goons, cops... yelp yelp yelp... Hmmm, doggie has lost his voice out of fear. Doesn't trust feminists to play ball. And we hear they've developed a sterilising shot for men as well! abhilashgaur@indiatimes.com