A random search of ‘girls’ + any Indian city name on Facebook will throw up any number of sleazy pages featuring ‘hot bhabhis’, ‘sexy aunties’, ‘MILFs’, ‘desi college girls’ and so on. Click on these pages, and you will find pictures of regular girls-next-door, smiling into the camera, rocking a spunky outfit, flaunting a handloom sari, showing off their baby bump or cuddling their toddlers. You know something isn’t right when you read the crude captions laden with sexual innuendos and outright references to body parts that accompany these pictures, often followed by hundreds of comments from depraved men writing out their grotesque fantasies, grammar and spelling be damned!
Ever stopped to wonder who these women are? Well, they are just regular women who decided to post a picture or share a story like anyone else. Only, their pictures were stolen, vilified and misused. And it’s this constant online abuse that #NotUsAnymore aims to fight. Born out of a venting session between Apoorva Jayarajan (who posts as @apoorvajayarajan) and Aarabi Veeraraghavan (@buncke), the hashtag has managed to attract many more social media influencers whose photographs have been misused.
“I was shaken when I found that my picture was used on some really shady page on Facebook. suspiciously enough, I received a tip off about this from a fake profile that was created on my friend’s name. I threatened the admin to remove my picture or face legal consequences from the cyber cell, and the image was pulled down. It was while sharing the whole ordeal with my friend Aarabi, that this idea popped up. We decided to do something about the blatant misuse of our pictures, and roped in another two-three girls who were facing the same issue. And that’s how the campaign was born,” shares Apoorva.
From calling out and shaming the perverts who lurk on the Internet to slamming moral police who love to say ‘but who asked you to post your picture on a public platform?’, the hashtag has united social media’s angry women folk who are sharing their stories and saying ‘Enough is enough’. “There was a dire need to shame offenders and also give a shoulder to each other to lean on so that the women know they aren’t alone,” says Vidhya Menon Ahamed, entrepreneur, who posts as @vidhyamenonahamed.
From being featured on porn pages to dealing with impersonators, female social media influencers face many a hurdleNarrating her story, Mumbai-based teacher Swati (@swatimukund) says, “Sometime last year, my images were plastered across various pages on Instagram where content was predominantly pornographic in nature. There were a few accounts that impersonated me as well. This made me wonder how many more women are targeted by such sexual offenders. Some of us may not even be aware how our identity and intellectual property are being misused.
That’s when I decided to talk about it,” says Swati, adding, “This misuse is rampant because the offenders think they can get away with their lewd comments, sickening emojis and sleazy direct messages that flood our inboxes. They think that if a woman’s profile is public, she’s ‘asking for it’. And then, there is the moral police who are worse than the creeps who trouble you, because they believe that you are at fault ’cos you uploaded pictures!”
Porn sites aren’t all. Pics find their way to matrimonial sites and dating apps: womenDelhi-based nutritionist and fitness trainer Nidhi Mohan Kamal (@nidhimohankamal) was shocked when someone told her that they found her profile on a matrimonial site. “Imagine my plight when I saw ‘my profile’ on Shaadi.com. They had changed my profession to a dancer! Then there was a fake Facebook page on my name. that page would show up even before my real page. It took me a couple of months to have it taken down. By that time, the impostor had posted a lot of nasty stuff on it. We never managed to track him down,” she says.
Stories such as these have found resonance even across the borders. Sumitra Selvaraj of @sareesandstories fame, from Malaysia says, “from my photos being used without my permission, to being bullied to getting unwanted attention — I’ve seen it all. This one brazen online retailer used my photo to advertise a contest. When I wrote to her asking her to remove my photo, she replied that I was overreacting and that I posted pictures for public consumption anyway!”
Using #NotUsAnymore to fight prejudices against women and their bodies As a breastfeeding advocate, Hyderabadi girl Kamana Gautam (@mycocktail_life) had to face a similar experience. “My idea was to normalise breastfeeding and promote body positivity, but instead, I got messages from men saying, ‘yummy mummy!’, ‘show me your breasts’, ‘wish I was there with you while you were breast feeding’. People are bent on objectifying women and seeing us as vessels for sexual gratification rather than human beings. Our social conditioning is to be blamed. Girls are told how to behave and dress, so as to not seek attention. However, the men are not taught that breasts are not meant to please them, but to nurture a child. That’s why sex education is so important,” says Kamana.
Changing mindsets, not privacy settings, is the need of the hourTired of being told ‘why don’t you make your accounts private?’, women point out that it’s like telling a person to dress appropriately to avoid getting raped! “#notusanymore happened because we have had enough — enough of being told to shut up and stay home, enough of being told that women should be heard and not seen. Most certainly enough of being told ‘you deserve it for putting yourself out there'. Whether you choose to be active on social media or not should be entirely your choice and not one made for you by society,” says Chennai-based dancer Aarabi Veeraraghavan.
Echoing her thoughts, Apoorva adds, “Making your account private is not the solution. Perverts can worm their way into your list and still misuse your pictures. Also, the point of social media is to be able to exercise free speech; if we have to have private profiles, I don’t see the reason to go through the hassle of having a profile at all. For influencers and instagrammers, social media is their most important tool. It would be counterproductive to go private!” Nidhi, on the other hand feels, that in 21st century, the concept of privacy is an illusion.
“There are hundreds and thousands of images that are floating around. But just because I am a woman, I am objectified; my pictures vilified. Even if I make my profile private, I will still have 40-50 thousand people who have access to it. Telling somebody to make their profile private or not post pictures is not the solution. Change the mindset instead.” Most importantly, don’t be quiet, urges Swati. “Being quiet won’t keep these idiots at bay. They will believe that hiding behind a screen will keep them safe. As a matter of fact, it won’t! If you file a complaint, the police will the IP address and he will be penalised severely or even thrown behind bars. Speak up!”
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