High on bhaang? Police toh bura maanegi!

Every year, the festival of colours makes Delhiites abandon all inhibitions. But when they bring their reckless, bhaang-addled selves out on the roads, the traffic policemen on duty are not very amused by the ‘bura na maano, Holi hai’ attitude. The cops tells us that even though their breathalyzers can’t detect if a person is driving after consuming bhaang, the experience they have gathered over the years can, and the guilty ones are challaned for reckless driving. Brajesh Verman, Additional Commissioner of Police (Traffic), tells us, "A breathalyzer test can’t tell whether a person has had bhaang or not. But if the motorist seems high on bhaang, we challan for offences like drunken or reckless driving, over-speeding, riding without the helmet, red light jumping or triple riding. Koi toh galti karenge bhaang pi kar."
Breathalyzers can’t detect bhaang, but our experience can, say Delhi’s traffic cops (BCCL)
Forget theory, let’s do practical
Traffic police officials say that the degree of crazy responses they get from motorists depends on how much bhaang they have consumed. Explaining the practical tests they do on those they suspect are high, a traffic policeman on duty in CP says, "Last Holi, I stopped a man who was driving recklessly, but he refused to accept that he was not driving properly or was high. When I asked him to walk, he was not even able to stand straight. I then asked him to read a nearby board and he said, ‘Main anpadh hoon, mujhe angrezi padhna nahin aata!’"
(L-R) Bhawesh Kumar and Niteesh Taragi from Deshbandhu College’s dramatics society (street theatre), and Manish Jatolia play out a scene the cops see each Holi – high-on-bhaang riders flouting traffic rules (BCCL)
‘Maine thandai pi thi, kisi ne bhaang mila di hogi’
Another traffic police officer posted in Karol Bagh says, "For me, Holi means listening to bizarre excuses people make after consuming bhaang. We hear things like, ‘Maine thandai pi thi, kisi ne bhaang mila di hogi’, ‘Main aap ko aisa aadmi dikhta hoon joh bhaang pi kar gaadi chalayega?’ I listen to them patiently, and then challan them," says the traffic cop, and adds, "The breathalyzers used to detect alcohol can’t detect bhaang. But many people don’t know that. Jaise hi hum bolte hain ki haan bhai, nikalo breathalyzer, waise hi log confess kar lete hain."
‘Challan toh kat liya hai, ab gale bhi mil lo’
Traffic cops tells us that there is another behavioural pattern they have noticed among the high-on-bhaang drivers they meet – excessive friendliness. A policeman on duty in Barakhamba says, "It’s difficult to keep them physically away from us. Itna bhaichara karne lagte hain log. They say, ‘Aap bhi toh humare bhai jaise hi ho, aur aaj toh Holi hai. Ab challan toh kaat liya hai, gale bhi mil lo.’ And we have to tell them, ‘Bilkul door raho uniform se!"
Another traffic cop adds, "People say things like, ‘Sir, humse bhi toh gale mil lo. Aaj toh Holi hai.’ People also kneel down and ask us to return their driving license."
When asked to walk in a straight line, high-on-bhaang motorists are unable to do so, and make some silly excuses, traffic cops tell us (BCCL)
‘Girlfriend chhor gayi, ab license bhi chhod dega’
Since 2015, the driving licenses of 1,93,248 drivers involved in traffic offences were temporarily seized and Holi is a major contributor. A traffic cop tells us, "A few years back, I stopped a young guy who was driving in a strange way, but the breathalyzer did not detect anything. So I asked him to walk in a straight line. He said, ‘Main chal kar nahin dikha sakta hoon, main bol kar dikhata hoon.’ But then he started crying and said, ‘Meri girlfriend mujhe chhor kar chali gayi hai, aaj mera license bhi mujhe chhor kar chala jayega.’"

‘Sab toh Amitabh Bachchan hain Dilli mein’
A few Delhiites also tend to get filmi under the influence of bhaang, say traffic cops. They tell us, "On being asked to tell their names, many people reply with, ‘Don’ or ‘Rahul, naam toh suna hi hoga.’ These are mostly college kids, who are so high that they can barely stand. They all think that they are Amitabh Bachchan and Shah Rukh Khan."