A sexual awakening: Activists stir debate among disabled

CHENNAI: When Kavitha, a statistician working in a government office, turned 25 she found it strange that her parents never broached the subject of marriage. All her friends were getting hitched and her older sister had been married at 24. She travelled alone from her house to office, held a secure job, and went about her daily duties independently.So she didn't think having cerebral palsy would be an impediment to marriage.
Kavitha's parents, like many others, rarely consider their disabled son's or daughter's desire for marriage or sexual fulfillment as a priority. "Society and parents just assume that disabled people are asexual," says M Muthuselvi, who is visually impaired and works in a private sector bank.
Their reluctance to talk about sexuality and or ensure that their children have access to information regarding their identity and desires is a problem. "It is important to educate a woman about her body, sexuality and protection in a way that it is accessible to her," said Smitha, a teacher at Vidya Sagar, a school that works with special children. "A hearing impaired person should be offered the information in writing or sign language, a visually impaired person should get it in Braille. Once they are aware, they should be allowed to make their own choices and express their sexuality," she said.
At a workshop on Sunday, disability rights activists encouraged women to assert their conjugal and sexual rights. "Sexuality is not just sexual intercourse," said an activist. "Families continue treating disabled people like children. Sexuality includes feeling attractive and recognizing your desires towards the opposite or same sex," said Smitha.
The session revealed how little disabled women knew about their bodies. While filling questionnaires, at least six women with cerebral palsy in their mid-twenties, among a group of around 30 disabled women, could not express what the term 'sex' meant to them, and did not know the meaning of masturbation. "Many women do not even know that that they can have sexual intercourse and bear children with a little care. They took time to talk about masturbation," said Dr Aishwarya Rao, a child health specialist who is disabled.
A separate set of seminars for parents is being planned to help them handle their disabled child's sexuality. Activists say they have faced situation of parents saying, "You want marriage? In this condition? How will you manage? What if the boy dumps you in a while?"
Muthuselvi said her parents don't mind her getting married, but oppose having a similarly visually impaired person for a son-in-law. "They think if both of us are blind, our child may be born blind, which will make our lives more difficult," she said.