Just knot interested

By Mahalakshmi P
In his 2011 three-part television interview with former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Piers Morgan couldn't stop himself from grilling the Stanford professor about her marital status.
“Condoleezza Rice, you are and remain one of the most eligible women in Washington. How have you avoided being snared in the marital trap?“; “How close have you come?“; “Do you have you come?“; “Do you hold out hope?“; “Do you dream of a fairytale wedding? “ spouted Morgan to which an unfazed Rice said, “The fact is like, you know, I just never found anybody that I was going to spend my life with.“
Four years later, and Rice ­ despite continued controversies about her marital status and sexual orientation-remains unmarried.And going by prevailing trends in the US, Rice has more company today than ever before.According to a Pew Research Center analyses of US census data in 2013, one-in-five adults aged 2540 had never been married. In 1960, the number had been one-inten. Committed singles, nevermarrieds, confirmed bachelors...irrespective of the labels used to describe them what binds this group together is their unwavering decision to `never tie the knot.'
A MATTER OF CHOICE
Call it a sign of changing times but a lot more Indians too are embracing this trend today . Arundhati Ghosh, executive director, India Foundation for the Arts, for instance is unequivocal about her decision to `never' marry . Not surprisingly, Ghosh is quite used to reactions that her decision elicits. She says, “My decision not to marry follows from being polyamorous, and from the fact that I don't believe in marriage as an institution for myself. There are various reactions I get ­ of curiosity `what's wrong with her?'; sympathy and pity ­ `poor thing, did not find anyone, did she'; anger ­ `who does she think she is living selfishly like that'; and even jealousy ­ `you are so much better off you know'. But the one that is really intriguing is a certain martyrdom that is often professed ­ `of course, how would you know how tough life is being married with kids, how many sacrifices we have to make'. Ghosh, however, remains unaffected by these responses.
For Raghav Krishna, a tech blog ger, the choice to remain single and never marry was a combination of choice and circumstances. “I did seriously contemplate getting married -but things did not work out.And the longer I stayed single, the harder it became to imagine sharing my personal space with someone else,“ he confesses.
SINGLE AND LOVING IT
Viraj Kaushal is a city-based chef who loves his single status. “I love being single. Right now I cannot even stand the thought of being in a relationship because I cannot share my space with anyone else. And frankly, if you ask me, I think the concept of marriage itself is outdated,“ is his unabashed reaction.
A social person with a busy life, Viraj concedes to life being so much simpler. “There's absolutely no stress. I don't have to answer to anyone, I don't have to worry about buying diamond jewellery for my wife for Valentine's Day... life as a single is simple.“
“Peace.“ That, says Krishna is the best thing about living alone.He adds, “I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone but myself.I don't have to make conversation, or go eat outside or watch a movie when I don't want to. I don't have to worry about school fees, parenting, birthdays or anniversaries.“
'COMFORTABLE IN MY ALONENESS'
“My life is so full that I hardly feel any loneliness. Of course there is the loneliness of existence that any one, who is conscious of being alive, feels.But that's beautifully solitary actually and not lonely . So to answer this question, No, I have never feared loneliness because most of the time the gorgeous people in my life are there for me when I need them,“ responds Ghosh.
While Ghosh owes a rich life to her `family of friends and lovers,' Krishna finds solace in his Xbox, his books and his movies. “There's nothing like reading PG Wodehouse or watching Phineas and Ferb to get rid of the blues. I also keep a diary , and that helps tremendously,“ he reveals.
“You can be alone even in a crowd,“ retorts Kaushal before putting things in perspective: “Whether you want to marry or not is a choice you have to make. What I truly believe is that each one of us has to have the confidence to live the life we want. Yes, there's pressure from parents, peers, the society et al, but once you face it and get through it, you will be living a life without regrets.“
EXPERT SPEAK
“More people are being single by choice,“ agrees Chennai-based psychiatrist, relationships consultant and author Dr. Vijay Nagaswami.
What advice suggestion would you give someone who is planning to stay single for life?
I'd tell them that what they need to consider is if they are fine with living a life that has absolutely no intimacy . Sure, there are singles who maintain relationships and thereby get their intimacyneeds satisfied, but if they are choosing to forego it completely, then that is something they have to seriously consider before choosing this lifestyle.
How do they cope with loneliness?
Firstly, they need to come to terms with the fact that this is how their life is going to be.Two, they need to be clear about how constructively they want to spend their time.
Is staying single a good thing or a bad thing?
It is really hard to give one appropriate answer.You see, people who are single escape the difficulties of being in a long-time relationship but they also don't experience the joys of being in a relationship. In the end, I think it's really a choice you make --about whether you can live like that or not.