'I wanted the world to accept me as I am'

<div class="section1"><div class="Normal"><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">I had a beautiful childhood</span>: I took a lot of interest in learning things. I did my SSLC at Varkadi in Manjeshwar (Kasargod district) and then for four years, I studied at Thiruvananthapuram for a degree in music. I also had a three-month training in non-violence and communal harmony at the Gandhi Peace Foundation.My main intention of learning music was spurred by the demand for this degree at All India Radio and at central schools.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">My marriage was a nightmare</span>: I would have taken up teaching as a profession in Kasargod, but my marriage upset that plan. My married years were tormenting. From 1985 to 1992, I didn''t have a single night of sound sleep. My husband was a good person when sober. He had a good bank job, but alcohol ruined him and the family. He was ambitious, wanted to be rich and gain respect in society. But he never realised that familial ties were more important than money.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">We had to flee to Mumbai to escape from debtors</span>: Things worsened as my husband''s addiction grew. I even attempted suicide. My health suffered. I tried to reform him, but nothing worked. I was fed up of that life and returned to Mangalore. I worked as a teacher at the Panambur Kendriya Vidyalaya and then got a permanent posting at a school in Derebail.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">The harassment continued</span>: In my pursuit to inculcate joyful learning among children, I came into contact with Valored (Value Oriented Education) in 1997. In the meantime, my husband joined me in Mangalore. But he had to leave for Mumbai again in 2001, after he incurred debts and the debtors started harassing him... After he left, the debtors got after me. There were days when I couldn''t have my morning coffee in peace as the phone would start ringing... Some of them even tried to blackmail me by saying they would use me to recover their money. <br /><br /></div> </div><div class="section2"><div class="Normal"><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">He was on death-</span>bed: In 2002, my sister-in-law called to say that my husband was on the death-bed at the Wenlock Hospital in Mangalore. This was news to me and I went to the hospital cursing him all the way. On reaching there, I was in for a shock. The man, who was built like a wrestler, appeared completely famished. He told me that he wanted to meet me for the last time and seek forgiveness. He said he wanted to donate his organs after his death. When my sister-in-law conveyed this to the hospital authorities, the doctor said he could not do so, because they suspected he had AIDS.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Then came the dreadful news</span>: After this, my friends asked me to undergo the Elisa test. I still remember the day I got the report stating I had tested HIV positive. I felt as though the ground beneath me had sunk. Despite being a teacher, I had come to believe that only those who were immoral suffered this. I never knew this would happen to me.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Advice baffled me</span>: Doctors who knew me informed me that a HIV positive person could lead a normal life till it turned into a full-blown case. But, they told me to keep it under wraps. All those who I came across -- friends, counsellors and doctors -- advised me to keep this a secret and save myself from humiliation and ostracisation. They said if things got really bad, I could tell my family that I was suffering from cancer. I was surprised. On the one hand, they were telling me it wasn''t a problem and on the other, they wanted to keep it all hushed up.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">It was to be an acid test</span>: Something in me stirred. I wanted the world to accept me as I am. This is the time I''ll really know who my friends are, I told myself. If friends shunned me, I''d still have the whole world. But finally, it didn''t make any difference. I feel more secure than I was soon after marriage. I went to Valored and met the director, Reni D''Souza, and told him I was HIV positive. To my utter surprise, he said it does not matter. The entire team at Valored said, "We have seen the creative Veena. We want to see her, even after this." I am ever grateful to them. I have decided to stay here in Valored till eternity.<br /><br /></div> </div><div class="section3"><div class="Normal"><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Negative energy can be harmful</span>: During my work to create an awareness among people and counselling patients, I saw a lot of negative energy among HIV Plus victims. This is the same negative energy which had sapped me. I think positive attitude is the best way to combat HIV/AIDS. Also, healthy food helps. My husband''s condition worsened as he ate rich food and consumed alcohol. The disease easily consumes people who do not care about their diet. Even now people call it ''Bombay seekh'' (Bombay disease) and the victims are shunned. I always tell people that I am also a HIV positive. If you can accept me, you can also accept him.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">HIV is a psychosomatic disease</span>: I am healthy now. I do not take any anti-retroviral drugs. I learn music, yoga, pranayama, meditation and eat plenty of vegetables and drink herbal juices. My message is: If you are HIV positive, nothing is lost. There is a lot of life to be lived -- by thinking positively.</div> </div>