Hold hands and miss many heartbeats!

`take it!' the young girl urged, thrusting the gun at the sixteen-year-old black youth, who immediately backed away. 'no!' he said fervently. 'my old man would bust my ass.' the girl, clad in a mini-skirt and a tight tank top, had long legs, a big bosom, a pointed face, hazel eyes heavily outlined in black, and unevenly cropped dark hair. she stared at the boy scornfully.'chicken!' she jeered. 'no way!' he grumbled, pissed that she would talk to him that way. on impulse, he snatched the gun out of her hands, sticking it down the front of his pants with a macho grunt. 'satisfied?' the girl nodded. 'lets go,' she said authoritatively. 'to have a blast, y'know, cruise around, get shit-faced. we'll take your car.' well, that was an excerpt from a jackie collins bestseller, and if today's romance chartbusters are any indication, then ms collins will be looking for a new occupation in 2001. i have just started work on my first romantic fiction novel, and i had to read the brief from the publishers (barbour publishing, which has created a tidal wave in the sea of leisure reading with its heartsong presents love series which have become a craze the world over) at least four times before my eyes were convinced the words they were taking in were indeed the ones that were written by barbour. please remember, instructs barbour about the basics: "the main element of a heartsong presents inspirational romance is the sweet love story." the operational word is sweet (not steam, sizzle or sleeze), and "manuscripts that do not reflect this position will be returned to the author." "the love between a man and a woman has to be the key ingredient. it should be obvious why the hero and heroine love each other, and they should be the kind of people the reader would like to know," the brief continued. "events, conflicts and subplots of the story should not detract from or overshadow theromance between the hero and heroine." drinking, you are told, is unacceptable for the lead characters. it is okay if the villain or unsavoury sub character drinks, but "in handling drinking in your novel, it is important that the reader understand that this behaviour is not acceptable." the same is true for dancing, says barbour, "another activity that is most offensive to most of our readers." characters, especially women, the publishers say firmly, should be modestly dressed. (underline) "they should never appear outside their bedrooms in nightgowns, underwear, and other private garments. also, scenes within a private room, like a bedroom, should be handled with care keeping our guidelines in mind. no matter how innocent some of this may seem to you, we will edit questionable scenes out of manuscripts." as for the passion ingredient, "physical tension between characters should not be overdone. do not be overly descriptive when describing how characters feel in a particular romantic moment, for example, kissing, embracing, and so on. it has been our belief from day one that we can tell a great love story without going into excessive physical detail," say the publishers. their point is, "people can easily imagine the desires and tensions between a couple who are blossoming into love." kisses are fine, but "no tongues or heights of arousal, please." further, please be aware that "petting should be minimal and stopped if the characters find themselves going 'too far.'" above all, and this was in bold type and underlined: "there will be no premarital sex between the hero and heroine in a heartsong presents romance, and any details of the hero and/or heroine's past sexual experience should be handled very delicately." lest you think they are being prudish, the publishers elaborate: "everyone knows the beauty of physical intimacy within marriage. but telling a story about a married couple doesn't give the author license to tell too manydetails of their intimacy. an author can easily leave these details to the reader's imagination with a simple whisper, glance, blush, or closed door. sometimes what is eluded to is more romantic than details. a good author can set the stage for the reader's imagination to take over." i love the way they outline their publishing policy: "inspirational romance believe that true passion goes beyond the basic desire for sexual pleasure and touches a person in the depths of the soul." triangles are there in every heartsong presents love story, but probably not the kind you have in mind. their words are: "when the triangle __man, woman, and god__ is complete, then there can be true satisfaction and lasting love in a relationship. knowledge and trust of this fact is better than any short bursts of passion that come and go like summer thunderstorms." take a bow, romance. here we thought you were on the brink of getting extinct, and you've returned in all your power and glory. welcome back!