Ahmedabad: It is not only students who are seeking counselling for exams-related stress but even parents, who have set unrealistic goals for their children, are seeking psychiatric help to tackle their worries.
Take the case of Smita Pant (names of parents changed) who is continuously worried that her daughter, a class X student, will not do well because of the stiff competition. This has landed the mother in hospital. Now her daughter is worried that her coming exams have driven mother to hospital.
Jayshri Choksi had to be taken for counselling by her husband because she refused to leave the temple in their home. She would pray for 4-5 hours every day for her daughter, a class 12 student. Her demands from the Almighty were quite strange.“Please set an easy paper and en sure that my daughter does well,“ she would say with folded hands. When her fixation got out of hand, her husband took her to a counsellor.
These are some of the cases of parents under `exam stress' who have been going to counsellors for help. What is worse is that obsessively worried parents are adding to the stress of their already hard-pressed children.
Cut-throat competition, the desire to see their child make it to one of the top institutes, and longing for social recognition is driving parents to set unrealistic goals for their children. This, in turn, is rebounding on the parents themselves and increasing their anxiety levels.
Further, parents are also worried that they may not able to pay donation to get their children admitted to a good institute if their sons and daughters do not do well.
City-based counsellor Dr Nimrat Singh said parents come for their child's counselling. “However, on interaction we find that the children are suffering because their parents are anxious and stressed. Unwittingly , parents have burdened their children with their own expectations,“ said Singh.
Jalpa Bhatt, another counsellor, said that overprotective behavior and constant monitoring do not go well with most students. “They either become more stressed or rebellious,“ said Bhatt.
Dr Hansel Bhachech, city-based psychiatrist, said that inability to sleep, eat or perform other routine functions is common among parents, especially mothers, during their children's ex am. Such behavior adds to the stress levels of children,“ Bhachech said.
Experts say the message for parents also is: “Relax! It's just another exam!“ (Names of parents have been changed)
How parents can helpBe relaxed:Don't let your past experience colour your ex pectations. Even if you are anxious, make sure you do transfer the anxiety to your child.
Ensure study breaks:Your child is a human being not a robot. Ensure that there are enough breaks to rejuvenate the child. Encourage your child to go for a walk, listen to music and have meals with the family among others. others.
Help them revise:Give them time and space and ensure that audio-video disturbances are minimal.
Policing is a big NO:Be your child's friend. Don't hang around like a watchdog. Be their support in whatever way you can.
Be open minded:Exams are not the be-all and end-all of life.Your child is not defined by one exam and there are thousands of career options.
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