Take the pain out of your break up

Being dumped. It's right upthere in the top-10 things you never want to experience in life. No one likesbeing at the receiving end of rejection, which is why if you're wanting to callquits on your relationship , no matter how long you were together, you've got todo it with good manners. While all break-up lines sting, the least you can do islimit your soon-to be ex's pain while keeping karma firmly on yourside.Steer as far away from this classic breakup as you can. Yes, it's easy on the conscience. But even a two-year-old couldsee through it. Sometimes the clearest message is saying 'it's not working forme'. This way you're being honest and upfront while justifying why you want out.The least you can do is give a plausiblereason.Ifyou've ever received a tipsy text from an ex on the very same night youannounced to friends you'd finally gotten over him, you'll know how confusingthis is. 'Staying friends' is just a way for the dumper to take the heat off,and the dumped to hang in there. And it's a pretty selfish move if he/she'sstill in love with you. As the person who has caused his discomfort and pain,you can't be the one to alleviate it. Grant him the option of staying friends,although suggest not calling each other for at least a few months. You both needdistance.Break ups are hugely tempting but don't work for two reasons.The kind of brush off above, tells him/her nothing about why you're leaving andis a blatant lie because we all love ourselves too much. Your emotionalself-defence mechanism rarely works on the basis of allowing you to leave a goodthing. You think you deserve better, which is why you're initiating thegoodbyes. Make your parting words final by telling him how you don't thinkyou're compatible to give him closure.Be precise and to the point. Trying to create distance bysuggesting a break when you've no intention of getting back is ambiguous andslightly disrespectful. When you tell someone you want a 'break' they oftenthink there are ways in which they can 'change' their behaviour to appease youand keep the relationship going. Tell him it's not the case by having aface-to-face, grown up conversation or two about your situation.Not give him false hope.Nor use fate as your back up alibi in case you get shot down for being a dumper.After the initial blow, people recover better from a direct approach rather thana list of external forces. It's less damaging in the long term than hangingaround on 'maybes' and 'if only'. Better to keep on reinforcing the idea youwere a bad match together.This isessentially telling him he doesn't do it for you physically any more. Ouch! Soinstead of scarring him for life over his sexual allure, explain how therelationship's not for you (don't confuse this with 'I'm not ready for arelationship,' - another classic line you should never use). Don't start blaminghim for how he let things slip or isn't the person you first fell in love withbut do explain some reasons as to why you're ending things so you both learnfrom the relationship.