Ten signs your partner is not into you!

There must have been moments when you've sat up all night waiting for an elusive call from the one you love.
That is what Ayesha did after she went out on a date with her colleague. She imagined his reaction, consulted her friends, analysed his every move in minute details, but after a point it was clear that the call wasn't coming. In office the next day, her colleague generally avoided her even as she tried guessing what was going on in his mind.His behaviour left Ayesha miffed. She avoided future dates and no amount of persuasion could make her think otherwise.
For all those who can relate to Ayesha, now a book written by former Sex and the City writer Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, "He is not that into you", has debunked many myths that women have about men and dating. The bottom line is that men are not complicated and there are no mixed messages. If he doesn't ask you out, call you soon after a date or want to come to your place after a date, then he's just not that into you.
Amit Behl couldn't help feeling like a loser when the girl he dated for three days, refused to call or acknowledge him in public. "Coming up with reasons that your partner might not have called that are not critical to you is a natural defense mechanism," says New York City psychoanalyst Gail Saltz, and author of 'Becoming Real: Defeating the stories we tell ourselves that hold us back'. So, here are ten indicators that tell you when to heed the signs and decide that the one you are dating really isn't into you.
All about men
You are just back from a magical date and you expect it to be rounded off with a kiss: Yet it never happens. He leaves you lingering at the doorstep with an excuse that he has an early morning appointment in office or has to catch a late night flight. No calls that night and you keep wondering if he enjoyed your company. Get it clear in your head that there would be no more calls and dates between the two of you.
Expert Speak: Says psychologist Aditi Ghosh, "It is difficult to analyse the situation when you are at the receiving end of such cold behaviour; but once you do so, everything seems less complicated. Sometimes there is something going on in his mind, which is just not about you. It could possibly be something that is going on in his life or may be about the background he comes from. Often we never look into all these facts, but they play an important role in bonding."
What not to do: When faced with such a dilemma, it's best not to keep awake the entire night mulling over the smallest of details. Instead take a deep breath and try to put the encounter behind you. Enjoy a restful sleep and wait for him to give you a cue on your future interaction. If he doesn't initiate anything special, then it's better to simply try to be friends with him.
Can we give this some time: Clearly, he is in no hurry and wants to keep you at a distance for some time. There is something about the relationship he isn't much in favour off (read: he is put off) and thus feels the need to rethink. He is more likely to treat you as an acquaintance and would be irritated if you pursue him strongly.
Expert Speak: "Men often go silent about their feelings, especially the negative ones. When they are not feeling good about something, they merely decide to keep it to themselves and expect women to take hints. In most likelihood, the relationship you share isn't the way he had imagined it to be. Just be yourself and give him the space he so craves for," suggests Ghosh.
What not to do: Often the more he asks for "space", the less you give. Instead of screaming at him or demanding for an explanation, plan out a girlie party and unburden your frustrations. Never show your dependence on him, instead work at being self sufficient and a happy individual.
Also read:
Decoding female body language!
Infidelity hits men, women differently
No time for love?
Is your partner true to you?
Are you dating a married man?
Having an extra-marital affair?
He likes playing hot and cold: He is all mushy when you agree to get physically intimate with him. On other occasions, he is irritable and angry. He insults you before his friends and then apologises behind closed doors.
Expert Speak: This is a common phenomenon with men who suffer from an inferiority complex, advises Ghosh. According to her, men need the emotional support that they get from their partners, but don't wish to show their dependence openly. Also for a man to insult in public and apologise privately is a sure shot warning that things are not quite right and he needs professional help. In such cases, it is best to treat him with a lot of patience and convince him to seek help.
What not to do: Do not let him continue with this behaviour, though it's best to be tolerant with him. Men are likely to continue with this behaviour if they see any kind of encouragement. Tell him assertively that you don't like what you are seeing. Heed the signs and move out of the relationship as soon as possible.
He cosies up to his colleague every time you turn your back: You have heard from your friends that he has a roving eye, but never believed any of it. And every time you want to question him about his flirtations, he melts you with his warm kisses and longing looks. However, its time now to take the call. Especially when his "colleague" gives you very knowing glances, you know its time to hit the ceiling.
Expert Speak: "Men often do this. Especially when they are dating one woman and their interest wanes, they hardly ever take the pains to inform the woman they were formally dating. That's because most guys want to escape the crying and accusations that they believe they would be put through. Hence they adopt a simple style where they think the message can be clearly conveyed without any fuss. However, no matter what, it's important to face the reality and confront the problem," explains Ghosh.
What not to do: Do not let the man go easily. You deserve an explanation and he owes you one. However, do not blame yourself for the break up and stress incessantly over it. On the other hand, go out with your friends, develop a positive outlook and see the relationship as best over with.
All about women
She pats you on the cheek at the end of a date: A clean statement that she treats you like a brother and is not looking for any other kind of serious relationship with you. She is protective and fond of you, but that doesn't mean you stand to become her prospective husband.
Expert Speak: Psychiatrist Anil Khanna says, "Women are easily attracted to men who have qualities like their brother. Women tend to share a great rapport and prefer them as close friends. But women also draw a clear line between the attributes of a brother and the traits of a husband, and that needs to be understood by the man concerned."
What not to do: Do not go obsessively pondering about her decision. If she has made her stand clear, respect it, for most likely, that isn't going to change. Also avoid fighting and quarreling with her and do not influence her to think otherwise. Guys, it won't work.
She says, "Let's meet again": It doesn't mean you decide she is completely floored by you. Chances are she is still testing you and trying to fit you into some category. If you hurry now, you might just lose her!
Expert Speak: "A man and a woman can share a platonic relationship. In fact they make the best of friends. However, it's best not to confuse it with anything else. That is what most people end up doing and realise later that it wasn't meant to be. A relationship requires time and a lot of patience," advises Khanna.
What not to do: Do not try to create misunderstandings about each other's feelings. Examine the relationship, but not to the minutest detail. Most of all, it is best to simply enjoy the moment and let destiny decide its course.
Also read:
Decoding female body language!
Infidelity hits men, women differently
No time for love?
Is your partner true to you?
Are you dating a married man?
Having an extra-marital affair?
She indulges in a one night stand with you: Women today are liberated and free thinkers, so it would be foolish to think that she would want anything more out of you just because you had sex one night. She might just not want to have anything to do with you anymore or might just want to remain friends.
Expert Speak: Khanna points out, "Mostly men think women seek more than just plain sex. However that is no longer the case. Women today want to seek pleasure for fun and won't take it any further. It doesn't mean that men should expect anything more. Just like a man, a woman might think there needs to be something more for her to be with that man."
What not to do: Do not treat her disrespectfully just because she encouraged physical intimacy between the two of you and did not take it further. The important thing is to build trust and friendship and leave it there if that's what she wishes.
8She invites you over to her place without her husband in the background: It doesn't mean you are allowed to make a pass on her or think that she is available. She might be talking to you like a confidante, but it isn't reason enough to think otherwise.
Expert Speak: "Women need to be treated like individuals with a mind of their own. She might be travelling without her husband or without a male escort, yet it doesn't give any one to think she is 'looking for some fun'," points out Khanna.
What not to do: Treat her like she is available. If you are linked professionally, it's best to keep the meeting within those limits, if it's a friendly call, do not transgress those boundaries.
If she has broken up and called you over: Even if you have never wanted her relationship to work out and are secretly happy about it, do not try to take advantage of the situation. Sooner or later she would find out and things would take a turn for worse from thereon.
Expert Speak: "Men think they become attractive when they lend a shoulder to cry upon. But for women seeking such help, it's nothing more than a friendly gesture to which they pay a lot of importance. Most often, men want to take it up from there, but that shouldn't be the case. Even if the woman agrees to a relationship on the rebound, she is bound top see the truth sooner than later," says Khanna.
What not to do: Physical intimacy is a complete no-no if she is going through an emotional crisis. She will hate you the moment the realization dawns upon her.
She gets you to meet her parents: Men hold on, it doesn't mean a marriage proposal for you. It just means she finds you good enough to introduce you to her folks.
Expert Speak: Khanna explains, ���Yes, people naturally think that meeting someone's parents indicates future plans. But women tend to do this very often with their friends, as they try to convey that the men they call friends are 'safe' enough to bring over to their house. But there isn't anything more than that. So take caution.���
What not to do: Do not expect her to treat you like a king at her place. Instead be ready to get your leg pulled because she would definitely do that in front of her parents. Take a deep breath and join in the fun!
Also read:
Decoding female body language!
Infidelity hits men, women differently
No time for love?
Is your partner true to you?
Are you dating a married man?