A convent-educated badmash, please

No one can tell whether my neighbour is choking to death, throwing up or merely clearing his throat. He does it all with a horribly loud augh-augh-augh. Eesh!
This morning, unable to stuff any more cotton into my ears, I dug out Bhai’s number. “Salaam, Bhai,� I said. “Kya, munna, kaise,� said Bhai. “Do something about my neighbour, Bhai, the fellow can’t even clear his throat decently,� I said.
“Katwa dein?� said Bhai.“What, his throat, na-na-na, Bhai. No bloodshed. I mean, not unless it is absolutely necessary.� Bhai said, “Hmmm...phir dhamka dein?� That seemed all right.
“I’ll send over Pappu Chappal,� Bhai offered, “he is nearest to you: colony number five mein.� What, a slimy slum hoodlum! “No-no, Bhai, give me someone in keeping with my status,� I protested.
“Aaya status ka...,� Bhai burst out laughing. “Okay, what do you want, I have a dozen MPs who specialise in this line. I also have a few hundred MLAs. And then, there are a number of bankers and financiers who regularly take up such jobs. Bolo?�
“MLA chalega,� I decided. “Done,� said Bhai, “send five suitcases with five lakh in each.� Gosh, no!
“Bhai,� I said, “if I had that kind of money, I would buy another house and leave my neighbour and his augh-augh for good.� Bhai understands. He said, “Arre, I was only kidding. You take Ranjit, he’s just the badmash for you.�
“Kya, Bhai,� I said, “stop pulling my leg. Ranjit stopped playing baddie ages ago.� Bhai said, “Not the Bollywood Ranjit, I am talking about the one in your city.�
“Ranjit who,� I said. “Arre, he is from a very good family,� said Bhai, “both his parents are very senior officers, how come you don’t know them?�
“Never mind,� I said, “tell me if this boy has any experience.� Bhai said, “Loads of it. He started with slapping a SHO but now does that only for fun. Another time he was caught carrying arms on a forged licence, in a car bearing a fake registration number. He’s even kidnapped a businessman’s son for ransom. Above all, he is convent educated!�
“Very promising,� I agreed, “send him over this afternoon.� But Bhai said, “Not today. He’s in custody at the moment. But will be out very soon, just you see.�
“Theek hai, Bhai,� I said, “and his charges?� Bhai said, “Don’t worry. You have a car, don’t you?� I do, I told him. “Well, then, Ranjit will take care of the payment himself. He has very deft fingers, ha-ha-ha...(click)�
“Hello, Bhai, Bhai, hello...� What did Bhai mean by deft fingers, anyone?!