This story is from March 3, 2009

Of looks and love

TNN / Mar 3, 2009, 00:00 IST

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While appearances score big, personality and charm help sustain the relationship, says Surekha Guptan

Are good-looking people happier in relationships? Do looks matter in a relationship?
While the general perception is that men place great emphasis on beauty in choosing a mate, a few studies suggest that women too prefer attractive men because it��s a sign of genetic fitness.
A research says that it takes precisely 30 seconds to fall in love or estimate whether the person is worth falling in love with.So, love at first sight does exist! Wonders like these do happen but it takes more to nurture a relationship.
Reenie, my classmate is a stunner,�� says Spandana Jalan, an engineering student. ��At college, she is singled out for promotions, and when we go out, she gets a lot of attention and is treated well. We even get prompt service at eateries. I��m thinking how easier life would be if I was better looking,�� she sighs.

While good looks may grab eyeballs initially and get you instant services, it takes more than that to make the person attractive in the long run, say some.
When someone is viewed as attractive, they are often assumed to have a number of positive social traits. Very rarely do people admit to beauty with brains. When relationships are based on looks alone, compatibility and personality take a back seat. ��I relate better to a girl I like personally than physically,�� shares G Pratap, a chartered accountant. ��I find plain-looking women so much more interesting to converse with. I guess they compensate their average looks with intellectual skills. Don��t get me wrong, I sense the beauty within, in their personality.��

Interestingly, it is believed that women dig only handsome guys with rippling muscles but this is just a myth and not true for most women. They also like guys who are sensitive, kind and can make them laugh. ��I find most good-looking guys are arrogant about their looks,�� says Shweta Agarwal, a software analyst. ��They come at a price and are not really worth the hassle. I prefer someone who treats me well and makes me feel good.��
Even research corroborates the fact that men who are more attractive than their partner demonstrate a tendency to offer less emotional and practical support to their wives. While yet another study shows that women look for more qualities in a man than just a handsome face. Women in some tribes are attracted to men with scars. Because these tribes demonstrate that men with scars symbolise bravery, strength and masculinity.
This perhaps explains why women who are stunners marry guys who have less than ordinary looks. But doesn��t that make the male partner insecure. ��My wife, Sara is a knock- out,�� says Dr Shashank Arora. ��I��ve seen people do a double take when they see us together because I am positively ugly. People cannot figure out how I landed her. I am charming and sensitive. I have a great sense of humour that keeps her in splits. I also know I get more brownie points because of Sara��s beauty. I feel like a stud. ��
While appearance can arrest attention and make a good first impression, it takes personality and charm to sustain a relationship. Give a person enough reason to think about you. Wear a fragrance that haunts his memory or a smile that she can��t get out of her mind. That��s one sure way towards more meaningful relationships.
The writer is a city based psychologist

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